Friendships can sure be messy sometimes. Words taken out of context, reading something you wrote and it’s taken the wrong way, etc. All these things have happened in the course of two days for me. My friend of 14 years was very extremely mad at me one day. Angry about everything I was, who I am, what is going, just everything. Then we talked some. Not on the phone but using yahoo messenger. It has it’s advantages, but when trying to talk/type to explain something, it isn’t the greatest of communicators.
My friend ended up nit-picking every little thing that I said. Pulling words apart and taking stuff out of context. I was continually explaining myself as that was not how it was intended. I am wiped out from 3 days of this emotional roller coaster. Why does it matter who is right and who is wrong? Does anyone have to be right or wrong? Can’t things just be? Exist? I know I posted about reality at one time. Each person has their own reality. But neither persons’ reality is necessarily true for another person, right? I see with my eyes….is what I see, the truth? Even though the other person didn’t see what they were doing at the time, I did. So was accused of what I was seeing as not true. With all these little twisting of words, and charging whose reality is correct, I became so confused. I shut down. I just cried and cried.
Fast forward to today. Things are ok between us now. I guess our talk/typing worked. We came to some sort of understanding. Though I am still not sure what that is. She “re-friended” me on facebook, rejoined the Life group we both are apart of. It’s really amazing what happens in the moment of intense feelings. Delete this and that, remove friendships, talk to another person…..on and on.
I know there are no concrete answers that have come from this upheaval of emotion. I know for me, I am a little more cautious. A little more thoughtful about what my words are when writing them. It’s not so much that I don’t want to hurt anyone, I just get sick of defending myself for how I feel about something. I feel it because…..I just do. Does there have to be a justifications for it?
My daughter is here visiting for the week. She is kind of like this too. Taking words and twisting them. But that is kind of expected from this 7 year old. She wants what she wants when she wants it. That instant gratification thing. Whew! I just don’t know. I am explaining beyond explaining myself the entire weekend and today. It’s only Monday. I hope the rest of the week isn’t going to be like this.
I found out today that my cousin’s husband died this morning. My cousin and I, along with my brother and sister, grew up together. We all are pretty close on my dad’s side of the family. Us cousins have stuck together. Anyways, my cousin and her husband have two boys. One is 15ish the other is 10ish. Boy, they are having a bit of a time with this. But I can so relate. I was 30 when my dad died. 30 years old is supposed to be a milestone for most. I spent mine with my dad at the Hospice House. 5 days later, he died. hmmmmmmph.
Wow, I haven’t had my emotions go all over the place like this in months. Too bad my therapist isn’t here. She is on vacation. I have an appointment set up with her but don’t know that I will make it now. I think the funeral will be Thursday, in St. Paul MN. A 4 1/2 hour drive for me. Soooo, we’ll see.
No new news regarding my surgery. So I am hoping that no news is good news. I will give Dr. LaMasters a call in the morning and see if they got it all sent in and how long it will take to be approved. I am just ready for this major overhaul of my life. Everything will change for me physically. Emotionally, I think I have a grip on that. I could be wrong, but I feel good. I am coping well. I don’t know how it will effect me until I get this all done. I hope when I write next, I will have some news to write and some more information that I can share with you all.
Have a good night. Oh and check out this video…it’s awesome!!!