Life and Everyday

one year ago today

Another sleepless night for me.  It’s well after 3am…almost 4 actually.  I have been tearful most of the day.  I have been wracking my brain to figure out the sadness.  Then it really dawned on me.  One year ago today, I miscarried.  I lost a baby that was between 6-8 weeks along.  I know that isn’t very far along in a pregnancy, but it was a baby never the less.

Early in the morning, a year ago, Dr. Ortiz performed a D&C on me.  I remember being scared.  I had a nurse there with me.  But it wasn’t the baby’s father nor was it my mom.  I didn’t expect ‘him” to be there since he was angry and all that with me, but I was hoping my mom could come.  I felt so alone.  A baby.  gone.  Why God?  Why did you take this little one from me?

I remember waking up with some intense cramping pain.  They took me back up to my room.  I stayed there most of the crying and sleeping.  Imagining what could have been.  What should have been.

I know God does things in His time.  Guess I wasn’t ready for baby #2.

Today, I am stronger.  I am stable.  I am all in for God.  I trust He will let me know the time.  IF there will be a time.  I often say, I do want another baby.  I am too old for a new baby right?  I don’t know.  But I do know it takes the other half the equation to have one.  And I have yet to find that.

Somewhere.  Sometime.

♥ Baby Olson 7/2010 ♥

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5 thoughts on “one year ago today”

  1. Julie…I had no idea. I know how you feel. I, too, miscarried. I know it was God’s will to not let him or her live. It was hard to see friends or coworkers with babies and I don’t have mine. I cried but I know in my heart it was for the best. Hugs to you!!

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