Another sleepless night for me. It’s well after 3am…almost 4 actually. I have been tearful most of the day. I have been wracking my brain to figure out the sadness. Then it really dawned on me. One year ago today, I miscarried. I lost a baby that was between 6-8 weeks along. I know that isn’t very far along in a pregnancy, but it was a baby never the less.
Early in the morning, a year ago, Dr. Ortiz performed a D&C on me. I remember being scared. I had a nurse there with me. But it wasn’t the baby’s father nor was it my mom. I didn’t expect ‘him” to be there since he was angry and all that with me, but I was hoping my mom could come. I felt so alone. A baby. gone. Why God? Why did you take this little one from me?
I remember waking up with some intense cramping pain. They took me back up to my room. I stayed there most of the crying and sleeping. Imagining what could have been. What should have been.
I know God does things in His time. Guess I wasn’t ready for baby #2.
Today, I am stronger. I am stable. I am all in for God. I trust He will let me know the time. IF there will be a time. I often say, I do want another baby. I am too old for a new baby right? I don’t know. But I do know it takes the other half the equation to have one. And I have yet to find that.
♥ Baby Olson 7/2010 ♥