Life and Everyday

humility

hum·ble

  [huhm-buhl, uhm-] Show IPA adjective, -bler, -blest, verb, -bled, -bling.

adjective

1.

not proud or arrogant; modest: to be humble although successful.
2.

having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience,etc.: In the presence of so many world-famous writers Ifelt very humble.
3.

low in rank, importance, status, quality, etc.; lowly: ofhumble origin; a humble home.
4.

courteously respectful: In my humble opinion you arewrong.
5.

low in height, level, etc.; small in size: a humble member ofthe galaxy.
This word came to mind this morning.  I am not sure why.  Maybe I need to be more humble in my life.  In what areas?  or the my whole life?
I was reading some this morning on a site where folks share about their weight loss journey (after having some sort of bariatric surgery).  I had posted there yesterday about feeling like I wasn’t where I thought I should be after having surgery just a month ago.  I have lost 22 pounds this month.  Yes, it will be one month tomorrow.  My brain is telling me that I should have lost more than that in just this first month.  The members of this site reassured me that this is an awesome start.  That my body is adjusting to losing weight in the first place.  If I feel like I have stalled out after only the first 4 weeks, my body is just readjusting.  Which makes sense.   It’s hard to not feel some discouraged tho.  I have been trying so hard for so long to just lose weight, that when I feel like I have stalled, or stopped losing for a bit, I instantly feel like a failure.  But that isn’t so.  I haven’t failed.  In fact, losing 22 pounds is amazing.  I have never before lost that much weight.
I am realizing more and more that I need to respect myself and my body.  I had a major surgery just a month ago and I am pushing myself so hard to do everything and more.  I am tired.  I know I am not eating/drinking enough daily.  I need to start again.  Each day.  Set up my day so that I can achieve the things I need to for that day.  I look at my calendar and each day is packed with things to do and places to go.  But I forget to eat in there.  So, I will start writing in there that I need to eat lunch.  Reminders to drink water and protein.
It’s hard to not get discouraged.  Having been the fat girl for so long, just maintaining is feeling like failure.  It’s really strange how my brain perceives this.  Why do I feel like I have to be my weight?  or that my weight makes me who I am?  Can’t I just exist without having to look at the numbers on the scale?  Do and will people always judge me by the clothes I wear or what size I am?
For me to be humble is to be ok with whatever comes my way.  I don’t believe that I am arrogant.  I don’t want to be better than anyone else.  I want to be equal to them.  I am equal.
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1 thought on “humility”

  1. Alright Julesy, firstly can I congratulate you on a FANTASTIC loss!! Yoiu are doing brilliantly 😀
    However I know exactly what you mean about your weight defining you. That’s who I am, I’m the big lass with large breasts! And to some people I think that gives off an image or an imagined persona of motherly-ness, and comfort. And to others it conjures feelings of disgust.
    The town where I used to live about 5 or 6 years ago had some very cruel young people. Children. For some reason they thought it was alright to call me in the street. They’d shout things like “Hey fatty bum bum, want another cream cake?” And it was so cruel. I just tried to keep my head held high, and walk past them with about as much dignity as I could muster. And it isn’t easy, not at all. But you get used to it. You become that person. And it’s not who you want to be. And you don’t like it, but it happens. And there’s very little we can do to avoid it.
    But here’s where it stops.
    This is it.
    You can rule a line under all that (now I’m not saying that you have experienced similar things, maybe you haven’t, however, something has made you come to know yourself as the fat lady!).
    But right now it ends.
    You are not in the least bit arrogant to be happy about your weight loss so far. You earned the right to be happy about it. You have to start working on your self esteem.

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