why do i do what i do……?????

hope……

maybe……

sometimes i just don’t understand

all that is working in my life

what i have worked for so much

is turning into a fine mess.

the pieces are falling further part

not closer together as it would seem

blocks, barriers, twists and turns

another wall.

questions that don’t have answers….

she asks me “why?”

and I really don’t know.

but how do you tell a little girl the answer to such an adult question?

i just don’t know.

my life isn’t where i thought it would be

at this time or place.

i need her back home with me

she is my family.

staying here only makes it worse.

lonely days turn into lonely nights

i miss her waking and her sleeping

i miss her …..3 years now.

important. 3. years.

she is angry.

she has every right.

but what can i do now?

i can’t fix it.

i pray.

that’s all i can do right now….

pray.

but……

how do i get her back?

what do i have to do?

what hoops do i have to jump through this time?

i will do just about anything to get her home with me.

but i need to leave here to do that.

i won’t bring her back to this city to live

not where they took her away

we both need a new beginning….

somewhere new and different.

~~~~~~~~~

why do they have to pretend to be better than me?

can’t we just be equals?

but you gotta be one up….all the time….

i am not in a race with anyone but myself….

and that isn’t even a race.

it’s a challenge for myself and only me.

~~~~~~~~~~~

people outgrow relationships

friendships that once were….

but God is still there with us

but the pain doesn’t lessen a lot

we grow

we learn

we live

we keep moving forward….

no turning back.

 

 

 

 

 

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One thought on “why do i do what i do……?????

  1. Daumaris Bush says:

    wow. beautifully written. And i’m sorry you are going through all that. Makes my complaining seem so pitiful. But I gotta say, you are ONE strong WOMAN !!!!

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