doing some thinking back……not sure what i want to write tonight, but feel like things are sort of out of control. Everyone likes to have control of their lives, their destinies, their families, etc etc. But right now, life is a little crazy and out of control for me. I don’t really have a direction. I am not really sure what is next for me. I know that I am packing up my apartment. Getting ready for Christmas at mom’s for a few days. Then coming back here to finish up packing for leaving next Wednesday. I will be moving to Minnesota. I will be living with my good friend, Robin. I hope that I will be able to figure out what I want to, where I want to be, and what’s next in my life. Jim is a part of my life too. I really am starting to care for this man. He is/holds the qualities that I admire so much. He loves kids. He loves his family. He loves what he does. He works hard. He plays hard. He is genuine and caring. It’s just been amazing to meet a man who is so connected. I hope we can continue to get to know each other and spend time together.
Christmas is about here. 4 days. Are you ready? I am, but I am not. My mind isn’t really in the right mind set this season. God has been so good to me this year. Brought me through many things I didn’t know or think that I would make it though. 2 major surgeries this year. big fights with my friend that I thought was the end of a very long friendship. lots of anger and unsettled-ness in my family. K’s difficulties with living with grandma and grandpa. Her hurts and struggles in school. Her anger. Her feelings of not fitting in and not thinking people care. I want to take away that pain. But I can’t.
New beginnings again for 2012. I am thinking of what I want to do this next year. What kind of goals I want to accomplish. The list making begins. I have to remember to be realistic. I also need to remember that God will be with me and help me through all the things that I need/want to do this next year. I need to remember that friends and family will continue to be supportive.
He will comfort me in the middle of my trials. He will be there.