Thursday – Jan 12, 2012- Not Giving Up!!

 

Today has been all about not giving up for me.  I have tackled a couple things that I wasn’t sure I really wanted to do but did them anyway.  My first time in rush hour traffic in St. Paul.  It wasn’t so bad.  Slowed way down a few times.  But then made it to my appointment on time….even a bit early.  lol  Dr. Cooper was the orthopedic doc that I saw.  He was really knowledgeable and easy to understand.  I have a bit of a bone spur on the inside of my knee.  Also can see the arthritis starting too.  Not a very good combo, but treatable, I guess, for the most part.  I will be doing about 4 weeks of PT and see about strengthening my muscles around my knee.  I hope it helps and lessens the pain that I have.  I am really sick of pain medicine.  Haven’t taken any for a couple days.  May just have to take them at night though, to sleep.  I keep waking up with pain during the night.  I hate that.  Then I am tired all day.

I talked to a new person that may be my next therapist.  It’s a guy.  I hope that it will work out.  I worked with Angie for about 5 year or so and she was awesome.  In talking with this guy, he seems to have similar ideas to Angie.  His name is Adam.  We talked about his approach to therapy.  I told him that I sometimes need a “kick my butt” therapist.  Angie was good at that when I needed it.  But also he is about “compassionate criticism”.  I can handle that.  We talked about insurance and stuff.  Glad that my insurance will work and that.  Even with having Iowa stuff.  My Minnesota coverage won’t happen until Feb 1.  But he is willing to work with me on that.  I also asked him if he thought a person could out-grow a personality disorder.  Having been diagnosed with one since I was 18, I think I have quite outgrown it.  Angie does agree.  Dr. Z not so much.  I haven’t been hospitalized for mental health stuff for nearly 2 years, which is amazing .  (side note- when I went to Regions to get my knee checked, I was a tad freaked out cuz the last time I was there, I was on the mental health unit)  Anyways, it’s not that I think the personality disorder has disappeared, I just don’t have as many characteristics, or one that are really prevalent.  I still get anxious.  I still get sad.  I still don’t like myself somedays.  I still worry about whether my friends are really there for me somedays, and on and on.  But none of them take over my whole being anymore.  I even still think about cutting once in awhile.  But I KNOW there is no way that will ever happen again.  It’s been 5-6 years since I last hurt myself.  I just can’t do that anymore.  Those feelings still hang around but I won’t do anything to hurt myself again.  I deserve better than that.  So does K.  She is my main focus these days.  I need to be around for her.  I want her back home.  So, keeping working on myself and making myself better is the only way I can get her back home.

So, starting to get settled in and know my way around.  I did get a tad lost today.  Used my navigation on my phone to get back home.  I was so turned around in St. Paul today.  It was funny.  I wasn’t worried though.  I made it back before noon.  Picked up some meds at the pharmacy even.  All in all a good day.  Robin is back but went right back to work today.  She works til 10pm or so tonight, I think.  I am glad to be here.  Sick of being bored out of my mind, but glad to be here.  Will start looking for a job soon.

I need to get a hold of the University of Minnesota weight loss center soon as well.  I was going to do that today, but just didn’t get that done.  Maybe tomorrow morning.  Weight loss is still going well.  Last week I hit the 75 pound weight loss mark.  I get weighed tomorrow, I hope I lost  a few more pounds.  But who knows.  I will have to write about it later.

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