Life and Everyday

Change is HARD!!


Why does change seem to be so hard?  It’s almost the end of January, I’m in a new State, meeting new people, trying new things, driving places I have never been before (and getting quite lost), and yet, I find myself struggling to feel like I belong anywhere.  My eating and exercising has totally gone to the wayside this month.  And here I thought January was a month of making resolutions and changing life.  bahhhhhh!!!

I am really bothered by the seemingly slow start this year has had thus far.  I mean, it’s seems like January flew by, but for me, days drag out.  I have applied for jobs….many jobs.  I do have an interview this coming Tuesday at 10 am, for which I am really excited.  I do hope to get on at this company.  They seem to be an amazing place to work ….helping folks.  That is what I want to do in the first place.  But I am missing some of the motivation and excitement that happens when one moves to a new place and experiences new things.  I find myself bored somedays.  Most my life, I have been able to say that I don’t get bored.  I have too many things to do.   But I am slowing down or something.  Boredom hits….I open my computer and just stare at it wondering what I should do next.  I have caught up on email.  Facebooked all that I wanted to facebook.  Scoured the newspapers both local and country.  I am not thrilled.  I am not excited.  What is the deal?  I hop on over to LifeChurch to see what is rockin out over there.  But it’s kinda the same ol same ol there as well.  While I love the folks that I work with at LC, sometimes it’s all about numbers and seems more like work than volunteering and giving of myself and my time.  I don’t understand it all yet, I guess.

I guess I could just sit here and berate myself and condemn myself for being bored or not accomplishing the things I thought I wanted to do and all that, but where would that get me?  Just feeling more depressed and more anxiety.   So, tomorrow is another new day.  God gives us a new day, everyday, to do with as we wish.  Tomorrow is Sunday.  I think I am going to try out this new church here in Woodbury.  It’s called Crossroads Church… perfect people allowed.  I oughta fit right in on that one.  Church isn’t until 11:15….I know I can make it to that service.  You know going alone to a church sometimes makes me feel way self conscious.  I don’t know.  Seems to be about families and friends and connections.  I have yet to have any of that here.  My daughter is still at mom’s.  I so want her home (a story again, for another time).  That is my family.  I miss that stinker.  Anyways, my friend Tonya said something about coming to her church, but I didn’t get any details other than that from her.  Maybe next time.  Questions swirl when going to new places:  will I fit in?  will people stare at me?  will they talk to me?  will they ignore me?  what do i wear? and on and on…..  This is the link to the church.  No Perfect People Allowed.  hmmmmm

Yup….that pretty much sums it up.  Don’t judge me by my past…..I don’t live there anymore.  I will gladly give you a glimpse into my past but please please don’t stay there or make me spend too much time there.  There are way more important things to be said today than that.

This week will be interesting to say the least.  Especially Tuesday.  Interview at 10am.  Therapy at 1pm. Chiropractor at 3pm.  Lots of stuff all at once.  Better than sitting around.  If you are the prayin kind….say a few prayers for the job interview.  I really need to get back to work.  This position sounds like a good starting point for me.  Thank you.

Today I went on a date to the Science Museum in St. Paul with Michael.  It was awesome to meet him for the first time.  What a gentle soul he is.  We both seemed a little awkward at first.  Not sure what to say or do.  We wandered around the exhibits for awhile and looked at fossils and other interesting things.  We talked a bit here and there.  But I don’t think for a first date, this was very conducive to getting to know each other.  But it was fun, none-the-less.  We were going to meet at a restaurant after but didn’t realize that the winter parade was in downtown St. Paul this afternoon.  roads were blocked off.  I ended up going in circles and getting lost.  Little did I know that is what happened to Michael as well.  We ended up not meeting but going home and catching up online for a bit afterwards.  I guess and hope our next date will be better planned and out of the way of big parades and horses and such.  Maybe a quiet place for cocoa or soda’s will do?  We’ll see.  I do like him tho.  There is a softness about him that I really enjoy.  His laugh is awesome too.  There maybe hope yet.  Who knows?


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