Discouraged

Wish I could say that to myself today.  Kinda just sick of being where I am in life.  I mean it’s certainly not horrible by any means.  It’s not dangerous or scary or hurtful but it’s just not where I want to be.  I have no schedule, no routine.  No job yet.  No money coming in.  Not really doing a darn thing.  I didn’t realize it was going to take this long to get something going.

The only thing I have going is the possibility of taking some online classes.  I have to call the dude back tomorrow.  He’s been calling and leaving me messages since Wednesday I think.  I just haven’t wanted to talk on the phone or talk to anyone in general.  Talk about hiding out in my room.

Seems most of my days are filled with getting up, going to the bathroom, laying back down, getting on the computer some, watching a bit of tv, maybe going for a drive, maybe going for a walk, more computer, or playing solitaire.  Looking for jobs.  Applying.  Cover letters and my resume.  Start all over again.  Same thing different day.

Do you ever get to the point you get sick of yourself?  I am so there.  I am sick of me.

Something’s gotta change.  Something’s gotta give.  Something……

I don’t really have anything positive to say tonight.  Guess I am feeling not so uplifting and positive.  I try.  I try to convince myself that things will be different tomorrow.  But it’s not.

I guess I am discouraged.

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