Saturday – just another day

It was a beautiful day up “nort” here in Woodbury.  60 degrees and sunny.  I went out and walked…ended up being about 2 hours of walking.  boy did my knee feel it.  uffda.    I had a few other errands to run so got in my car and got that out of the way too before coming home and icing my knee for a bit.  I opened the windows and blinds.  It was so nice to see the sun!!  Too bad my mood didn’t match it much today.  I am so tired.  Probably from not doing anything real constructive for the past month.  Still searching jobs.  Trying to figure out the finishing college thing too.  Something’s gotta happen somewhere along the line.

I went to the YMCA today.  I am going to fill out the application thing and going to be a member.  I want/need to be working on exercise.  With a membership I can meet with a personal trainer and get set up on things that will help me.  Taking into consideration the knee problems and my right foot.  I want to join a couple water classes and possible a yoga class or two also.  I just need to get moving.  My weight has been plateau’d for this past week and a half.  at least I am not gaining.  But I gotta get moving again.  I want to tone  up my arms and flabby parts from the weight loss.  I still need to lose about 50 more pounds before I will be semi-where I want to be.

I have been trying to stay more positive.  I post mostly positive stuff on facebook to try to talk myself into feeling better and doing better.  Kinda like the post it note thing I did years ago.  Somedays I just don’t think it’s working much for me.  I haven’t found a decent therapist.  Well, I liked  Adam, but he didn’t want to do all the paperwork and crap in working with others’ on a team.  Which I thought was part of his job.  He is in private practice so, I don’t know.  Maybe I will go back to him.  I mean, all I need is a therapist and a psychiatrist to prescribe my meds, right?  I think I will call Adam back on Monday and see about seeing him again.  I’m ok with not having a “team” of people messing in my life.  I just want K home with me.

Speaking of, mom didn’t call the lawyer like she said she was going to.  Ticks me off.  Put me on the back burner again.  Maybe she really doesn’t want K to come live with me again?  I don’t know.  I so want her back home.  There is so much we can do together.  She needs me….I need her.

Living with Robin is pretty fun sometimes.  She has a great sense of humor.  But of course most days I don’t see her but a few minutes.  She works a lot, which is good and bad.  It’s quiet around here a lot of the time.  Which is hard for me.  I don’t mind quiet somedays…but for many days…..makes me more sad.

I am going to Mayo next week to have another MRI on my knee.  The think I have this condition called spontaneous osteonecrosis of the knee.  I am not exactly sure what that all means.  But I do know it has been known to be caused by lupus.  NOT A FAN!!!   I don’t really know how to explain it except that it has to do with arthritis and osteoporosis.  Also cortosteriod use also.  I have had many steroid shots in my knee.

So, what to do?  Gonna get going to the YM.  Gonna try to convince myself that I am ok.  Gonna try to keep believing God has a plan for me.  Gonna keep on keepin on.

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