Frustration

 

I haven’t been dealing with my frustrations very well lately.  I think it’s increased with K here with me.  She is your typical 8 year old.  Asking why, or what did you say, when you have repeated yourself 10 times already!  She wants to be so close to me all the time.  I know it’s because I am not with her on a daily basis.  I love that she is affectionate and I know she loves me.  She almost smothers me with it, which drives me nuts.  I reassure her that I love her and always will.  But she still sits so close to me that she is almost sitting on top of me.

She needs that constant reassurance.  I don’t know how much more I can do in that.  Everyday we talk, I give her hugs, I tell her I love her.  I am trying to do things with her and give her my attention.  But it never seems enough for her.  I get frustrated.  Not just with her but myself.  I keep thinking, even if she can come back home to me, will it be like this for the rest of her life/my life?  Have I let her down so much that she will need that constant reassurance?  Did I really screw her up?  And how in the world do I fix it?

I read this article tonight about being a good parent.  Here is where I got this info:  http://familydoctor.org/familydoctor/en/pregnancy-newborns/caring-for-newborns/parenting/parenting-tips.html

How can I be a good parent?

There’s not just one right way to raise children. And there’s no such thing as a perfect parent or a perfect child. But here are some guidelines to help your children grow up healthy and happy:

 

  • Show your love. Every day, tell your children: “I love you. You’re special to me.” Give lots of hugs and kisses.
  • Listen when your children talk. Listening to your children tells them that you think they’re important and that you’re interested in what they have to say.
  • Make your children feel safe. Comfort them when they’re scared. Show them you’ve taken steps to protect them.
  • Provide order in their lives. Keep a regular schedule of meals, naps and bedtimes. If you have to change the schedule, tell them about the changes ahead of time.
  • Praise your children. When your children learn something new or behave well, tell them you’re proud of them.
  • Criticize the behavior, not the child. When your child makes a mistake, don’t say, “You were bad.” Instead, explain what the child did wrong. For example, say: “Running into the street without looking isn’t safe.” Then tell the child what to do instead: “First, look both ways for cars.”
  • Be consistent. Your rules don’t have to be the same ones other parents have, but they do need to be clear and consistent. (Consistent means the rules are the same all the time.) If 2 parents are raising a child, both need to use the same rules. Also, make sure baby-sitters and relatives know (and follow) your family rules.
  • Spend time with your children. Do things together, such as reading, walking, playing and cleaning the house. What children want most is your attention. Bad behavior is usually an attempt to get your attention.

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I feel like I do most of these things.  The schedule thing is difficult because she is not with me all the time.  But when she is, I try to keep her on a schedule.  I set rules and stick to them.  She tells me numerous times that I am mean.  But then will back that with I love you though.  This is so difficult being with her.  I wish the court stuff would start soon and then be done and over with.  I want her home with me.  I want to be her full time mom again.  Maybe the frustration will lessen then?  

Sometimes this is what I really hate about myself.  I know I am trying to do and be my best with her.  Provide her with opportunities that I didn’t have.  Give her the things I know she needs.  But I know I have hurt her.  Emotionally.  She lives with grandma.  It kills me.  I am sure hurts her just as much.  I just wanna fix this whole thing and I can’t.   I can’t really do anymore than what I am right now.

I don’t know.  I just don’t know.

 

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