Had therapy again today. Adam said some really though provoking things. He said that he thinks I am doing well. But I am missing JOY. Never really thought about joy. Have I ever had it? I think so. Many moons ago? Camp…..college….birth of K.
What about now?
What brings YOU joy? I ask this to everyone who is reading. I want to know what brings you joy.
When I was in Bible School many moons ago….Joy meant J=Jesus O=others U=You
Don’t know what I think about that now. I mean…praying wise, yes. Helping others, yes. But I seem to always put myself last when it comes to stuff. I am too nice…if there is such a thing.
beatitude, blessedness, bliss, blissfulness,felicity, gladness, joy, warm fuzzies, elatedness, elation, exhilaration, exultation,high, intoxication; ecstasy, euphoria, glory, heaven, nirvana,paradise, rapture, rapturousness, ravishment, seventh heaven, transport; delectation, delight, enjoyment, pleasure;cheer, cheerfulness, comfort, exuberance, gaiety, gladsomeness, glee, gleefulness, jocundity, jollity,joyfulness, joyousness, jubilance, jubilation, lightheartedness,merriness, mirth; content, contentedness, gratification,satisfaction, triumph
Where do I fit into all this? K brings me joy. But Adams says there has to be more. K will grow up and learn her own way. Not that finding joy in K is bad. But limited.
find joy……creating, music, camping, nature,
Joy in looking and comprehending is nature’s most beautiful gift. – Albert Einstein
We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves. – Buddha
There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward. – Khalil Gibran
I get so caught up in my own inadequacies , worry, sadness, disappointments, flaws and then feel the guilt and shame and some self-hatred that goes along with it. I know that is really unfair of me to do to myself. This is the stem of my anxiety and I know that. But I can’t keep dwelling on the bad stuff. I feel like I have beat myself up for so long, enough for a million some years….enough is enough. I need to start living. Figuring out how to squash the anxiety so much. I see more good in myself than bad. I see more good in others too. It helps, but not completely gets rid of the anxiety.
Sink into feelings of gladness. That is similar to joy, right?
Glad means to be pleased with or happy about. Be aware of small, subtle, mild, or brief feelings of gladness. I guess this could be for joy too.
Stay with good news. Don’t let my thoughts go to the negative. The negative has polluted my mind for oodles of years. It’s time to start living with joy and gladness, right? I gotta remember to not let the negative junk hijack my happiness. Just live in the happiness of the here and now. I need to share my happiness and joy with people. I think that maybe if I do, I will see more of it. If that makes sense. Maybe that will help me find more joy? or MY JOY?
The other thing Adam expressed to me was that I need to have more compassion for myself. Whoa…what a concept for me. I don’t have much. I think my standards for myself are pretty high. Compassion is part of my nature. If K hurts herself by falling down, I help her, kiss it, bandaids, etc.
Recognizing it for myself is hard. I need to recognize that this is tough, this hurts. I need to bring that same warmhearted-ness I give to K to myself. I can center it on my heart most of all. My heart needs healing. My heart I have found, hurts a lot. Not the physical, I’m having a heart attack hurt, but lost or less love hurt. The love and friendship is missing. The hope is missing some days. I crave to have someone love me for me. Not try to change me. I crave the closeness. Not talking about sex here….just closeness.
So what am I lacking? Joy. Compassion for myself.
More love, less self condemnation.
Less anxiety, more security and safety
Less frustration, more satisfaction, fulfillment.
Less sadness, more joy, gratitude, love
Less feeling rejected, more attunement, friendships