Memories and Scars
sometime ago…years in fact…i was a girl who self mutilated.
i cut to bring relief to my pain inside my heart, inside my soul…
i cut to see if i was really alive
i cut to see if my blood was really as bad as they say it was.
i cut to release so much pent up anger.
man, i used to be so angry.
at my parents, friends, so-called friends, men, ex’s, MYSELF…
It’s been at least nearly 6 years since I last physically hurt myself on purpose.
amazing how times goes by
i have found new coping skills, new ways of thinking.
i try them out and figure out what works for me.
the rest….well…i toss to the side.
cliches suck. one day at a time. chin up. pull yourself up by your boot straps.
ridiculous words that done really mean much to me. it’s like not taking time to really think of a response to whatever I am saying or going though.
it’s really irritating. it’s down right frustrating sometimes.
though my scars remain, some of the hurt is still there.
i haven’t talked about that for quite some time.
weight issues, shame, fear, sexual situations that weren’t good for me,
yeah…i have come a long way. but it seems so much more to go.
so many things to explore.
to figure out how NOT to go back to that place again.
I acknowledge YOUR pain….YOUR scars.
I see YOUR hurt. I am with you.
I want to listen. I want to understand. I want to be that friend that doesn’t judge but just listens with my heart.
Your heart pain…..is my heart pain. Together we can get through this.
I AM HERE FOR YOU!! ALWAYS!!! ♥ Julie