Scars and pain

Memories and Scars

sometime ago…years in fact…i was a girl who self mutilated.

i cut to bring relief to my pain inside my heart, inside my soul…

i cut to see if i was really alive

i cut to see if my blood was really as bad as they say it was.

i cut to release so much pent up anger.

man, i used to be so angry.

at my parents, friends, so-called friends, men, ex’s, MYSELF…

It’s been at least nearly 6 years since I last physically hurt myself on purpose.

amazing how times goes by

i have found new coping skills, new ways of thinking.

i try them out and figure out what works for me.

the rest….well…i toss to the side.

cliches suck.  one day at a time.  chin up.  pull yourself up by your boot straps.

ridiculous words that done really mean much to me.  it’s like not taking time to really think of a response to whatever I am saying or going though.

it’s really irritating.  it’s down right frustrating sometimes.

though my scars remain, some of the hurt is still there.

i haven’t talked about that for quite some time.

weight issues, shame, fear, sexual situations that weren’t good for me,

self esteem.

yeah…i have come a long way.  but it seems so much more to go.

so many things to explore.

to figure out how NOT to go back to that place again.

I acknowledge YOUR pain….YOUR scars.

I see YOUR hurt.  I am with you.

I want to listen.  I want to understand.  I want to be that friend that doesn’t judge but just listens with my heart.

Your heart pain…..is my heart pain.  Together we can get through this.

I AM HERE FOR YOU!!  ALWAYS!!!  ♥ Julie

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