I have been very blessed with old friends re-emerging in my life in the past year. Friends I have had lost contact with, but we seem to pick up right where we left off. I have also encountered some friends who have ended friendship with me for one reason or another. Mostly because I am not who I used to be and I have grown up and will not let them or anyone else walk all over me or make important decisions for me.
I have been struggling tho lately with my own self-worth and purpose. I know that I am so much better than I was even 2 years ago. My daughter is finally coming home. My life isn’t without it’s ups and downs, that is for sure, but I know I cope differently. But I still some emptiness or something that nags at me. I have been trying to finish my degree at college. But am running into financial difficulties. I have been at this so long, that my federal funds have run out. I have hit the max. So now what? I am so close to finishing and I don’t want to have to “give up” because I can’t pay for it. I need to find some resources for grants or scholarships or something. I got my first bill from college today. Little over $6000. I don’t have that just sitting around. I can’t ask my mom. She doesn’t have that kind of money either. I just don’t know where to start with this.
There are so many things I still want. Maybe they are needs. I am not sure about that either. Longing for something. I really like where I am in life. I can’t say that it’s all bad. I have some very awesome things happening. But still something is missing.
want to —
- be more creative
- have more time for serenity and meditation
- spend more time with friends
- walk, bike, swim, and hike more
- decorate my new apartment
- find things for K to do this summer that won’t cost me too much
- be more prompt on my assignments for classes
- make more healthy choices in regards to food and exercise
- write more
- blog more
- create more
- stay focused
- take more pictures
- be understood
- hide less
- express myself more
- worry less
- be myself
- still lose 100 more pounds
They all seem pretty attainable but so time consuming. Will I have time to do all that and then some? I know Rome wasn’t built in a day. One moment at a time. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.