Wanting More

 

I have been very blessed with old friends re-emerging in my life in the past year.  Friends I have had lost contact with, but we seem to pick up right where we left off.  I have also encountered some friends who have ended friendship with me for one reason or another.  Mostly because I am not who I used to be and I have grown up and will not let them or anyone else walk all over me or make important decisions for me.

I have been struggling tho lately with my own self-worth and purpose.  I know that I am so much better than I was even 2 years ago.  My daughter is finally coming home.  My life isn’t without it’s ups and downs, that is for sure, but I know I cope differently.  But I still some emptiness or something that nags at me.  I have been trying to finish my degree at college.  But am running into financial difficulties.  I have been at this so long, that my federal funds have run out.  I have hit the max.  So now what?  I am so close to finishing and I don’t want to have to “give up” because I can’t pay for it.  I need to find some resources for grants or scholarships or something.  I got my first bill from college today.  Little over $6000.  I don’t have that just sitting around.  I can’t ask my mom.  She doesn’t have that kind of money either.  I just don’t know where to start with this.

There are so many things I still want.   Maybe they are needs.  I am not sure about that either.  Longing for something.  I really like where I am in life.  I can’t say that it’s all bad.  I have some very awesome things happening.  But still something is missing.

want to —

  • be more creative
  • have more time for serenity and meditation
  • spend more time with friends
  • walk, bike, swim,  and hike more
  • decorate my new apartment
  • find things for K to do this summer that won’t cost me too much
  • be more prompt on my assignments for classes
  • make more healthy choices in regards to food and exercise
  • write more
  • blog more
  • create more
  • stay focused
  • take more pictures
  • be understood
  • hide less
  • express myself more
  • worry less
  • be myself
  • still lose 100 more pounds

 

They all seem pretty attainable but so time consuming.  Will I have time to do all that and then some?  I know Rome wasn’t built in a day.  One moment at a time.  Breathe.  Breathe.  Breathe.

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One thought on “Wanting More

  1. daumaris says:

    I know what you mean. things can get overwhelming. but we have to let go of those things and focus on the things that are here now. the others will make their presence in front of you in due time. it’s hard not to worry and trust that things will be okay, especially when trust is something that you are so working on to improve.

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