I am a single mom trying to raise my 8 year old to be kind, considerate, happy, respectful, fun, and all those other great things that parents want their kids to be. Most days she can be all those things above and more. But has been a real challenge since she came home this summer. She has challenged just about every rule I have set in place. She keeps asking “why, do I have to do this?”
I love my mom to death but there is a HUGE difference between how I parent and how she parents. I am no blaming or pointing fingers but I do need to un-do some of K’s behaviors before she gets older and things get way out of control. This is going to be a hard experiment and rule setting on my part. I need to be persistent and have nerves of steel.
I love K and want only the best for her. I don’t want her to have to struggle with life and people. She has had some difficulties with making friends and being one. So, I have been telling her about some new rules that we will be living by. Even for me this will be a bit difficult as I have to follow the same rules.
Again, I refer to Epicparent.tv . Chris Sprad is amazing in his ideas on raising children. He has great Christian values and his tactics really seem to work. I want to share a few things I have read about on his blog recently.
He recently wrote a post on 10 Signs Your Kids Are Spoiled Rotten
So here are 10 signs your kids are spoiled rotten…
- Your kids put in less than 1 hour a week helping around the house – my daughter is learning this one. She is now helping take care of her own dishes….at least getting them to the sink. She also is dusting with the swiffer….quick and esay. We are working on it.
- Your daughter frequently complains that she is bored and will not play on her own – this is one I hear constantly. K is telling me she is so bored. I suggest that she color or read or be creative or go outside….she balks at this. One to work on for sure.
- Your kids continually interrupt when you are on the phone are talking to others -K does this more and more. I know kids interrupt while on the phone, been doing this for forever. But this also happens when the attention is solely not on her. Another to work on.
- Consistently obeys his parents after the 4th time -yep….I have the counting technique that helps with this. She hates it when I start the count. I think because I have instilled this one since she was very little. I only have to get to 1 and she usually does what she needs to do.
- Expects to always go out to eat -this one is hard to break as g’ma and g’pa went out to eat a lot. Of course older adults will go out to eat more….it’s just something they do. When K was with them…that is what happened. So I have a bit undoing to do here. I don’t mind going out once in awhile for a treat for reward etc. But not everyday. I am certainly not that rich.
- They expect you to buy at least $300 worth of back to school clothes -see the above. I am not rich. Especially right now, money is very very tight. I don’t have enough to even cover all the bills at the moment. So, am waiting for my job to start…hopefully this week. That would help immensely. Keep praying y’all.
- They walk in selfishness and rarely say thank you -This is one that that K is getting better at. She is saying thank you much more. I love that.
- Your son has to be asked and begged to do simple house hold chores -Well this would be my daughter, but she actually helps more. She does like to help with laundry. She also like to help cook…sometimes it is challenging but I try to be patient as she does the best she can.
- Your kids are unemployed -K is too young to be employed. So doesn’t apply right now.
- Your son throws tantrums, disobeys, cops an attitude, disrespects you in public and wont share his Fun-Dip with other kids -oh dear Lord….this has happened . Her melt-downs are less frequent. But she cops an attitude at home much more often. She doesn’t want to this or that. Or she WANTS this or that. I think her level of understanding is getting better.
Here is Chris’s way to help.
Does any of these signs sound familiar? If so, here are 10 ways to reverse the spoiled curse in your kids…
- SAY NO INSTEAD OF YES: Prepare your kids for the real world. In the real world you NEVER get whatever you want.
- RE-DEFINE SUCCESS: Teach your kids success is not what you drive, wear or how many Facebook friends you have.
- MAKE THEM FREAKIN WORK: Read my 14 year old son’s post on working. ACCEPTABLE CHILD ABUSE
- PAY THE PIPER: Make them pay their own iPhone data plan or cell phone service. My son does!
- MOW A YARD: Have your son serve a neighbor by mowing, baking cookies or raking leaves.
- DETHRONE THE KING OR QUEEN: Stop continually giving them praise and making them the star of the show.
- UN-SPOIL YOU: Your kids may be selfish because YOU are selfish.
- GIVE STUFF AWAY: Have your kids go through their stuff and give some of the good stuff away.
- STOP SAYING “I”: Make your kids go the entire day without saying “I”. This one is nearly impossible.
- BORE YOUR KIDS: Yep, believe it or not you don’t have to be your kids recreation director. I have learned that when I intentionally bore my kids…innovation and creativity is born! Read this post called BORE YOUR KIDS.
He goes on to say in another post :
The most important job that every parent must step into is…
Teach your kids to be wholly dedicated, kingdom minded, irrationally obedient, weird, radical, strange followers of Jesus!
Somebody get behind the organ, get some music going because I’m about to preach it! Can I get an AMEN!!
Seriously…it seems that we prioritize our kids’ sports, our kids’ music, our kids’ comfort, our kids’ self-esteem, our kids’ acceptance and our kids’ fashion OVER our kids’ relationship with Jesus.
PARENTS!! Freaking wake up. Jesus is all that matters. When it is all said and done it doesn’t matter how many touchdowns your son makes…the only thing that truly matters is that theyKNOW Jesus!
** Notice I didn’t say, “the only ting that truly matters is do they KNOW ABOUT Jesus. No, No, No. They must KNOW Him
I am a Christian trying to raise K with Christian values and morals. I want her to love like Jesus loved. I want her to be tolerant of other people. I want her to love and be loved. I want so much for her. I know I can’t change her overnight, but I am going to try to raise her the best I know how.
I think Chris Sprad has amazing ideas and insight. I know I will continue to read his blog. I don’t agree with everything, but I do agree with a lot. I encourage you to check it out.