I made a huge decision today. I am going back to Day 1 of Post Surgery diet. I am going to be doing the protein shakes and eating 2-3oz only at a time. I am keeping a food diary and I am going to make myself get my booty to the gym. I am going to get K up and out walking with me in the mornings. If not the mornings, then in the evenings after supper. I know I need to do this. I am sick of myself once again. I am disgusted at the way I look and feel about myself. I have totally let myself down as far as how I wanted to be doing and working with this surgery. It’s been a year. I am NOT at all where I want to be. I want more. I know I can be more. Do more. I am tired a lot of the time right now. It’s because I have become lazy and unmotivated. I am kicking my own ass now.
I have spent the last few therapy sessions bawling my eyes out about how I am hating myself. Well, the only one who can change this crappy ass attitude I have is ME. So, I am going to do just that. I am going to turn this crappy attitude around. I need to get back on track not only physically and mentally, but also spiritually. My spiritual life has been in the dumps too. I just kind of gave up on life for the past few months.
There is so much adjusting to do having K home with me. I stopped paying attention to myself. My whole focus has been her and her needs. Making sure she is doing ok and getting along well. Trying to set up routine for her and get her into the things she wants to do. School starts in a week. I hope to be starting work in a week as well. I need to get this change moving NOW. Tomorrow morning, when K and I get up…we are going walking. The Vermillion trail is right across the street from me. NO MORE EXCUSES.
I need to figure out how to buy foods that I know she will eat. She is so sugar addicted…..candy, cookies, anything sugar. I don’t know how to break this habit of hers. When she wasn’t with me, I just didn’t buy the stuff. How do you change the eating habits of an 8 year old? Without all the whining and complaining and stuff? I know it will be good to have “treats” for her once in awhile. I don’t know how to change her eating habits that became a mess while she lived away from me. My mom is such a wonderful cook and baker. She made everything homemade and everything is awesome. No wonder I have always had a weight problem. Not blaming my mom, just that the food was there, I ate it. No control.
I am waiting for my check to get here so that I can go buy the protein powder. I have fresh fruit and stuff. Gonna make shakes and eat fruit and veggies more. I know what I am doing. I need to DO IT.
A new friend of mine is sending me something I have never heard of before. Natural Body Sculptor – It works
I think it sounds amazing. I have read wonderful stories about how it works. I want to try it. I want to try selling them also. But like all else right now, waiting for my check to get here. Brigid is amazing. So supportive and friendly. A good new friend. Thank hon.
And so it begins…….tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life!!