what I am waiting for….

dear future boyfriendfiancé  husband.

i want you to know that I have longed and waiting a very long time. forty-two years to be exact. i am utterly anticipating for your arrival into my life and to sweep me off my feet. i can’t wait to share fun moments and moments of laughter along with love. i also cannot wait for the silent moments when no one has to say anything. i think the most curious moments is the beauty within you, the whole of you from sadness, laughter, joy, anger, the flaws that define you, that make you who you are. the little things that you hold within and no one else knows. i want those moments. i want to share and hear everything from the not so greatness to the complete and utter buckled knees down in the ground in complete awe and unbelievable joy of life. i want to experience your dreams that you have accomplished, want to do and i want you to know how proud of you i am.

i want to travel with you to many beautiful, amazing places as well as just sitting in the midst of each other’s presence talking. i want to go on cute little dates, you know like .. to the zoo, aquarium, a picnic with a blanket, food and a gorgeous field with beautiful flowers. i want an ice cream date and a trip to Hawaii together. i want to experience life with you and i together in a space that is ours to call home. i want to come home and hear how your day went. i want the heart melting good morning messages that leave a girl smiling like a floating balloon high in the air so high. i want to be your friend first. then second your complete and soulful love. i want to see your playful side, that ends up in cute fun laughter wrestling with each other playfully. i want to hold your hands and make road trips and unplanned trips. i want a bazillion photos of not only you but of us together. i want to cuddle with you whenever. i want to spend days together that are lazy and only require pj’s with movies, books, food and conversation. i want to leave you cute messages when you wake up, going to work, at work or away. i want to cook together and eat ice cream under the warm sun. i want to love you with all my heart that i possibly can. i want to kiss you and have hurdles of butterflies always floating from the pit of my stomach. i want to capture your heart when i walk into a room and your eyes twinkle in awe. i want to eat at each other’s favorite places. i want the smell of you invoked around me. i want to be that girl who can rock one of your shirts and look sexy doing it because i can’t find anything in my closet. i want to feel the sensation from your hugs climbing up my spine. i want our relationship to have dreams that are ours, together. i want to walk in the rain and have deep conversations along with a million questions moments. i want to have musical outbursts and random dancing moments. i want you to love my friends and i want to love yours. i want the uncontrollable laughter along with the sad and happy tears. i want to give you unconditional love. i want to be the reason your happy in life. i want to see you chill out in sweats yet oh so sexy in jeans and a t-shirt and hot and heart melting to the pit of the floor in a suit/dressed up. i want to kiss in the rain and sleep on a beach together. i want to tell you how i feel. i want to camp on the beach and have a bonfire. i want to go on a coffee date. i want a treasure that cannot be forgotten, i want every moment written in my own very diary. i want something to look back on. i want to go to New York and California all in the same trip. i want to experience the history of London with you.  i want to lay there with you just thinking. i want to feel your comfort. i want bbq’s. i want to hear your favorite songs and see your favorite movies. i want that feeling of beauty to wash in. i want to have stupid arguments every now and again that means nothing in the end. i want to get photos done of us together.  i want piggy backs and getting to wake up beside you.  i want you to be passionate, ambitious and confident in everything you want in life. i want to be in the grace of your intelligence, helpfulness and independence. i want to listen to you speak and to hear your advice. i want fun and you to meet your job goals. i want to go to the movies with you and watch anything and everything, especially romantic ones. i want to go to a concert with you. i want to enjoy the presence of your family. i want us to be positive towards each other and to allow each other to value one another’s potential to grow along with love, fail and try again.  i want to be truly blessed and thankful for the amazing person that you are. i want you to push me beyond limits – out of the box limits. i want to take day trips, surprise trips and no destination trips. i want to stargaze in the back of your truck if you have one with blankets and pillows. i want to have those moments that are full of laughter because i scared you and you get me back when i least expect it. i want to go to six flags and Disney with you. i want you to be there for me and be okay with that i am okay. i want you to know that i am happy. i want my dreams to come true with you. i want to go on double dates. 

i want to experience your kindness, joy, love and care. i want to witness the depths of your soul. in the midst of everything i want to become your best friend, your fiancée to then become your wife. i want to marry my soul-mate and love of my life. i want to dream up all the possibilities of married life. i want to share a home, oh so gorgeous and full of love. i want you to love my child and i want to love your children and them to have the most amazing father and mother ever. i want you to be full of joy with them. i want to give you healthy children, a beautiful desired longing that i want to have in my life, with you in our home.  i want to go on vacations as a family. i want a family and friends Disney gathering together. i want to have fun. i want our family to be filled with so much love and warmth.  i want to be able to watch our children get married too. i want to hear the sweet words of mommy and daddy. i want to be the best parent and wife to you and our children. i want all your dreams fulfilled. i want your support, love and most importantly the key ingredient communication. i want you to be successful in your own but as well as together as a family. i want loyalty, honesty, patience and respect within our relationship and being able to give our children good examples of that from our relationship. i want our children to be exposed to well-rounded people and enjoy tons of activities whether in school or out of school. i want to experience every moment from them playing hockey to dance. i want a swing or a tire swing hanging out of a tree. i want a family room with just television and games. i want each of our children to have their own room, decorated how they want. i want our house full of warm colors, yet rich flooring. i want to feel the sun’s warm rays through the window as we are waking up in bed or just laying next to each other.

i want our wedding to be lovely with gorgeous photos and a videographer. i want you to love our children no matter the circumstances that life throws at me. i want you to love our children unconditionally, no matter what. i want you to promise me that with your whole heart. i want you to be happy yourself and unconditionally loved. i want you to be empathetic towards our children when they need it, yet also someone they look up to. i want to watch our children grow up from elementary into junior high to high school and off to college/university. i want our children to have and find a beautiful love like ours with someone they care about and want to marry. i want to go on walks and to the sand park with our children. i want to be thankful for everything that comes in my life and ours. i want to witness the giggling moments of our kids and their success. i want lots of bear hugs and kisses from our children to the both of us. 

i know we may both come from other relationships at this time too.  i don’t want the past to haunt either of us.  i want us to love and live in the here and now.  accept our past and move on and make new memories.  i want our love to be the basis of how Jesus loved.  i want us to love each other in all ways, flaws and all.  i want and need my daughter to know too, that love is possible even if it doesn’t come right away in life.

oh the possibilities…..endless joy.  this is what i am waiting for….this is what i am longing for…..

 

forever…….julie

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