I am a little too blank because I do not have a good enough thing to write about. I feel as if my heart and mind is blocked and nothing exists. Nothing at all. I feel so weak to think, to read, to write, to feel. I hate being sick. I remember how I loved being sick when I liked being sick because it just felt good to have mom take care of me. I sort of enjoyed all the attention. What could be better than lying on a bed, listening to music or reading a book and people running around you with chicken soup, fruits, juices, and a lot of love? Of course, the medicines were there too. Sometimes I liked them and sometimes I didn’t However, they were manageable if they brought along all the positive aspects of being sick. But I don’t remember being sick all that much.
As of today, things have changed. I am sick and been sick for the past 3-4 dyas and I am so bored. I mean give me a different thing God, this is boring! I was just thinking about the reasons I detest being sick this time and I jotted down the following. I just thought I would share these with you since I have nothing better to pass on right now (and trust me I am apologetic but helpless).
- No matter what I eat, my stomach starts aching. I have become somewhat scared of food but I feel so dead if I quit eating. It’s just so tough and complicated to manage.
- Every now and then I start feeling unconscious, I feel I am going to faint. But, I do not faint. Now how is that helpful?
- I am not enjoying this sickness because I do not have people around all the time. I hate being alone when I am unwell but now since I stay away from my family, I cannot have someone with me who would take care of me at all times of the day. I called my mom and asked her to come take care of me. She laughed.
- I cannot read too much. I start feeling dizzy when I do that. As a result, I am not able to read since so many days and believe me, it sucks.
- Also, it’s tough to write. I can ramble about things I am going through (like I am doing now) but it is a little difficult to write something worthwhile since I cannot concentrate. That is one reason that my blog doesn’t get updated frequently now. I have to do something about it!
- I have got a bad throat infection owing to which my voice sounds horrible and I also do not feel like speaking too much. I haven’t been to work. Being a reading tutor, the kids think I sound funny. My voice has turned into a bass. When really I am an alto. LOL
- The medicines that I was advised for my sore throat conflict with my stomach and things get worse when I try working out on both the problems.
- I have to come to office everyday because I cannot take leaves since I need to save them for better times, like when I want to go home or on a trip with friends.
- I cannot get a sound sleep. I get up again and again throughout the night, feel sick, try to go back to sleep and get up yet again. I cough up a lung and try to rest again….not very successful.
- I have gone througha whole box of Puffs.
- I called my mom again and just keep crying because I feel awful. I think she is sick of me now.
- It is really a bad feeling to look at people eating all the stuff that you love but you have to control yourself, no matter what.
- K has been wanting to help take care of me, yet, doesn’t want to get very close to me. But I don’t want her to either, I don’t want her to get sick.
- I feel like lying down all the time but I don’t fall asleep very easily and my head hurts if I lie down too much.
- It’s obviously hard to find out what I should eat and what not.
- My saliva tastes bitter. Even that reminds me all the time that I am not perfectly al right.
- I feel feverish very often and then it dies down.
- I hate going to doctors. Really hate it.
- I get so annoyed by little things. It’s just not happening the way it should. Lol
- I really miss home.
There might be more but I am too wound up and drained to think of it. I leave you all at this. I know not many people would be tolerant enough to read the whole of it but if you have held on till now, I just want to say- Thank You! Also, I am sure I will get fine soon and then I will not bother ya anymore.
Have a super day. Cough, hack, blow the nose….cough again. 😦