Welcome Summer

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Hello, strangers! It’s been a little while since I last posted.  Life has just been *that* crazy lately. Thankfully, there is light at the end of this chaotic tunnel [I hope].

As you know, I have taken a position of a literacy tutor with Minnesota Reading Corps this past school year.  I got up every morning and did the morning routine with my daughter. Whether she (or me) liked it or not, we got up and got ready for school.  At times during the school year I worked with as many as 16 kids one on one in a day.  Often didn’t last real long because these kiddos were amazing to watch and grow in their reading.  Anways, this made for a very tired woman. {Can I get an “Amen” from all the mamas of many out there?}

I’ve learned something, though, in this past school year: I can honestly say that I’m completely content to only ever have “just” one child.

I want to make it clear that this new-found contentment is not my way of siding with society. I’m not agreeing with the stance that children are “inconvenient” or a waste of time or anything like that. I still stand on the side of God’s Word; the side that says that children are a blessing. But I also realize that in this season of my life, which includes challenges in my family, I have been given a gift… Actually make that two gifts:

  1. I have been given a daughter who needs me to be fully committed to raising her well, instead of being preoccupied that I haven’t been given more children to raise. I can only imagine that, if she knew how much I have hurt over my past miscarriage that she would think that I wouldn’t have time for her. And I would never, in a million years, want her to feel like that. So I’ve decided to focus on becoming a more intentional mother and let life happen how it will.  I know her need to have a father in her life, but I can not let her get hurt.  Or myself get hurt like I have been before.
  2. I have been given a luxury that not many mothers get: time.  With the ending of my season with MRC, I am finishing up my volunteering and service hours this summer.  But I have time to spend with K that some mothers don’t have because they work 40 hour weeks.  I still get to take her to swim lessons, picnics in the park on weekday afternoons, walks on the trails, etc.  Along side that, she will be able to come along side me to some of my volunteer activities.  I feel very honored to be able to have this life right now.

Right now, in this moment, I’m focusing on today. After all, the Bible tells me in Matthew 6:34 not to worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will worry about itself. And, frankly, I’m tired of worrying.

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