Life and Everyday

So I went to church today……

Yeah, so I went to church today…..2nd time at this particular Crossroads church “no perfect people allowed”.  Guess I fit in just fine?  lol  It was an excellent service.  Here is one of the quotes they used today:

©Crossroads Church
©Crossroads Church


It is from last weeks sermon but this week is the last in the series called OWN IT.  And seeing this….hit me kinda right between the eyes.  I believe I need to make a few painful decisions…..soon.  I gotta figure out how to be more responsible for my own soul.  That is what was talked about today.  And that really hit my soul.  I cried in church again.  Darn pastors anyhow!!!  That makes both times I have come to this particular church that I have cried while there.  (*must mean I needed to hear this huh?*)

The parable used today was in Luke 8.  About the farmer who sowed seed and the seed lands on various types of ground.  We were asked to find ourself in the story.  Are we like:

verse 12:  unreceptive and fearful (hard hearts) “The seeds that fell on the footpath represent those who hear the message, only to have the devil come and take it away from their hearts and prevent them from believing and being saved.”

verse 13:  uncommitted, inconvenient (no depth) “The seeds on the rocky soil represent those who hear the message and receive it with joy. But since they don’t have deep roots, they believe for a while, then they fall away when they face temptation. ”

verse 14:  unguarded (cluttered hearts) “The seeds that fell among the thorns represent those who hear the message, but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the cares and riches and pleasures of this life. And so they never grow into maturity.”

verse 15:  unwavering, make the hard choices (single-minded) “And the seeds that fell on the good soil represent honest, good-hearted people who hear God’s word, cling to it, and patiently produce a huge harvest.”


So as Pastor Phil asked, “How’s your soul?”  Where am I?  I am verse 14.  My heart is very cluttered.  I am very distracted.  I have so much going on that I know God is coming in 2nd fiddle or 3rd or 4th or somewhere down the line.  I don’t like it like that.  I know my life used to be different.  (insert tears)  This is also where the church showed the video where the tears began.  I would put it up, but they haven’t gotten it up on their site yet.  I will have to do that in a later post.  But it was about a guy who is a husband/father who decided to take 15 minutes a day to read the Bible everyday.  He got up at 5:30 am to go to the coffee shop to read the bible.  Everyday.  It became his routine.  People came to know him because of that and he became a better man.  He didn’t always understand what he read but it helped him to be a better father and husband, friend and teacher.  It was just a very touching video.  I hope to post it later.

Also talked about confessing sins being good for our soul too.  Taking care of our soul is so important.  No one can do it for you.  Owning it.  That is what this series is all about.


So I am going to own it…own some of what is on my soul……I am not Catholic but let the confessional begin….

  • I confess that although I know I’m a sugar addict, sometimes I lie to myself and say maybe it will be different now that I’m sleeved.
  • I confess that even though the 107 lbs I’ve lost have made a huge difference to the way I look and feel, I wouldn’t be happy if I never lost another pound, even though I know I should be.
  • I confess that even though I’m not a jealous person, sometimes I want to b*tch slap those who are complaining about “only” losing 10 lbs a month since I would kill to lose that much.
  • I confess that I still eat gummy vitamins because they’re kinda like a treat every night
  • I confess that I yell at my kid when in actuality I am angry at myself
  • I confess that I spend way too much money on things that I don’t really need to satisfy my desire or cover up the fact that I feel less than everyone else
  • I confess that I feel less than everyone else
  • I confess that I am really worried about not working but yet working will effect my benefits from my dad’s death benefits and my disability (which will effect my insurance and food benefits)
  • I confess that I am scared to death of living and dying

I am not sure where to go from here.  Other than ask God for forgiveness and to help me through all this “stuff”.  I need help to let got of the clutter in my heart and in my life.  I need help to let go of the things that are holding me back and the things that are hurting and holding me back.  How do you be transparent without getting hurt in the process?

How do you ask for support and not get hurt?  How do you trust and not get hurt?   So many questions and not many answers.  I guess….pray.


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