But I didn’t forget

Forgiveness isn’t for the perpetrator it’s for me.  It’s not letting him off the hook though.  Because he will forever be ingrained in my brain.

I was sexually abused starting around the age of 4 and lasted until I was 16 by a cousin and uncle.  I was physically and verbally abused by my brother all though out my childhood.  He would always put me down and call me names and use his wrestling moves on me.  He also did the WWE wrestling moves too.  Needless to say, I was bruised a lot.  I bruise easily to this day.

Anyway, I have had a hard time forgiving anyone for anything for a very long time.  Especially those three especially.  The first two, I have yet to forgive.  I haven’t made it that far yet.  But my brother, I have.  It took me years of therapy and lots of prayer.  Like I mentioned earlier, forgiveness isn’t for the one who hurt me.  He will have to live with all the things he did in his life forever.  Forgiveness is for me.  It takes the burden off my shoulders.  It sets me free.  It says “yes, you did this to me, but I am not going to let what you did, hurt me any longer.  I give that hurt back to you.  You own that hurt, not me.”  When that happened, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.  I felt a ton lighter.    Literally….I felt like a ton of weight was lifted from me.

Forgiveness is not an easy task.  It does take awhile.  It’s not for the faint of heart.  It takes a lot of work but it can be done.  I haven’t forgotten, but it doesn’t have a hold on me.  I can be in the same room as him and not be afraid anymore.

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10 thoughts on “But I didn’t forget

    • Julie says:

      thanks. it’s takes a long time to get to that point, but once you get to where you can forgive, that weight is lifted and man does it feel better. Thank you. 🙂

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