She’s my baby

Yes!  She’s my little, well, not so little anymore, girl.9093_10151461902031143_2104600580_n

Here is a picture of her with me:

She is a ham.  She is a star.  She is a dancer, a lover, a fighter, a friend, pain in my butt, the love in my heart, my alarm clock in the morning, my sunshine on a cloudy day.

I cherish her more than anything because I lost her for a period of time.  It was a very hard time in my life.  She was only 4 and a half.  Almost time to start kindergarten and I was on the verge of losing her to the “system”.  Lucky for me, my mom was there and decided to let her live with her for awhile.  Until I could get my crap together.  K went and lived with my mom….what seemed like forever.  It ended up being three years.  Three very long years.  I did have lots of contact with her.  Not enough but a lot.  I still lived nearly 2 hours away from her.  I called her daily but it definitely was not like having my baby home with me.

This caused some psychological difficulties for her as well as myself.  I was already going through depression and anxiety, which is why I almost lost her in the first place.  But the stress of her losing her mommy was definitely evident in her as well.  K has ADD.  They (the doctors) thought she had reactive attachment disorder but have since ruled it out.  She has separation anxiety.  Which makes more sense to me than anything.  I would too.

Anyway, back to why I cherish her so much.  It was that separation that causes me to cherish every moment with her.  When she came back to live with me, it was quite an adjustment.  we had to get used to living together again.  Although I loved her with all my heart, we butted heads like no tomorrow.  We were learning to live and love again.  Trial and error.  Lots of boundaries and lots of limit setting.  Lots of tears, on both our parts.  That first year was hell to say the least.  We made it.  And we both are still living.  🙂

Each moment after that we are growing closer and closer and trust each other more.  She trusts that I will be there for her no matter what.  I trust that she will do what she says she will do.  She hasn’t let me down yet.  I haven’t let her down that I know of either.  We keep our word to the best of our ability and when we don’t or can’t, we apologize.  We laugh, we have fun.  We cry together.  We do fun together.  We do church together.  We learn together.  All these things I cherish with her.  These are the memories I will cherish of her and with her.  I hope that she will also.

She is only 10 years old now.  She is growing up so fast.  She loves to dance and play mine craft.  What polar opposites can we get?  Today she plays on the kitchen floor with old toys of Zu Zu pets, knowing that in a few days it’s Christmas and new toys await.

I don’t want these days to end.  I know she keeps growing up.  I love each moment I spend with her.  I will never lose her to the reasons I lost her before.  I am doing well and feeling well.

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