My physical health is taking a toll…..I had an MRI this morning on my low back. I have something going on there..not sure what, but going from laying to sitting is nearly impossible. When I finally get up, walking is ok…it’s about the only time I don’t have intense pain. Will find out the results on that on Friday.
Then, I found out I have to have this cyst thing taken out of my knuckle on my right hand. That is scheduled for June 16. I just want to be healthy and be able to go and do with out hurting. I feel like eating the house because of the anxiety.
I got the nerve up to go back to the Emily Program. I am meeting with a lady named Aimee. Adam keeps telling me that I need to talk about my food issues and normal eating and how I feel about myself regarding my weight. He told me I am in a good spot right now because I have a good handle on all the other stuff in my life. I have this weight thing to figure out. I think that I will see Adam just twice a month and then see Aimee every week. The folks at the Emily Program want me to do intensive outpatient program. I think that will be ok. I hope that is runs in the morning and I will be able to get K by the time or before the time the Y Kids program is done. Aimee also said that a support group would be very helpful as well. I want to do this but I have to figure out how to deal with all the shame. I know I have a hard time being honest about eating because of the shame. I really don’t like this part of who I am.
I am ok with the rest of me. But this issue….I just can’t accept. I weighed myself earlier this week. I have gained 5 pounds. More shame and sadness. Yeah I need this.