This post is not to evoke pity or feeling sorry for myself. I just want to throw this out there for myself and others to know what kinds of things I have been struggling with. I don’t even know where to begin. some of these things run together with other things too.
Bi Polar disorder
Bulimia/ Anorexia (I sway between the two)
Fibromylgia (but not sure if that has to do with the EDS)
Though I deal with these things on a regular basis, I continue to live and push through every pain that I have. I have to because I am a single mom. I do this on my own. I will continue on my own. Even though I have a caring boyfriend right now, I don’t think that he understands what it is that I go through on a daily basis. I am not sure there is anyone any more who understands what is going on.
I am tired. I am sore. I hate pain. But I keep going, because I have to. My daughter depends on me. She needs me to be well. She needs me to be ok. I have let her down before, I don’t want to do that again. We have been fighting and butting heads like mad. But I think it’s her medicine. I need to see if she can get in to see her doctor sooner than Thursday. I think her meds need to be changed. I believe that what she is on is making her itch and then she is picking at her skin and making everything raw and painful. I have got to figure this out. I will call Dr. Enders tomorrow. I hope to get her in soon.
I don’t hate life because of all the illness in my life. I don’t like all these things. I have been trying to figure my way around them or ways of coping and dealing with them.
My right foot with all the surgeries I have had, also causes pain. But I am so trying to push throug and make it ok. I want to start walking and just being active.. I have to. I am feeling really fat and ugly. Katey sees me as fat too. She said that to me tonight. I don’t know what the bf thinks of me. He doesn’t always say much. He just keeps telling me “one thing at a time”. Just breathe. Pray. Sometimes I just want to discuss things with him. But he has one thing in common with Katey…they don’t talk much about what is going on in their head. Maybe I care way too much.
Let it go…right? I love you all.