Life and Everyday

Just Stuff…. ups and downs

4892471623_781daa6f24_zI’m having some hard times lately. I b/p tonight. It wasn’t enough though. I needed to get more out of me. I still feel huge and ugly. A failure…. Failure also in the stupid weight loss surgery too.

I someimes feel like that saying above. Just need to know if anyone hears me. I don’t know of its the pain meds (which I rarely take and the doc gets upset), regular meds, no motivation or energy, the bi polar rollercoaster, not being able to focus or what! It seems everything lately annoy me.

R told me that I was too sensitive. After a day of strong, o told him what I thought. I can never tell when he is joking or not. It’s like he has no emotions sometimes. He just is. He said others have told him that too. Well so something about it idiot. We watched the Fault In Our Stars, OMG!!!! Love that movie but I so sobbed during and after. OK yes. I just feel so intensely someimes. Tonight he told me that I worry too much. Ughhhh!!! I just can’t win. I just need to turn off feelings when I’m around him. Bullshit!!!!

He is always bugs me about my homework for my college classes. Already know what my job is. I have to tend to K also. It’s been hard because she is having so much problems this school year. Going to have another meeting to see about getting her in a level 3 class room.Just so many side tracked days.

Isn’t there a saying like if nothing is right….. Turn left??? Well I don’t think I have any lefts left. I have turned and turned and I’m feeling pretty much in the same place. Struggling with my daughter. Struggling some with R….don’t really know what to even call him. Sucks. Anyways, he is pushing some buttons too.

If God closes a for, open a window. Well I think they are painted shut. I can look out and see things going on around me.

Screw it life goes on!

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