Where you been??

just tired

So much stuff has happened since last time I have written in my blog.  New dx’s for autoimmune stuff, genetic stuff, just helath crap in general.  I just hurt from the inside of my bones out.  Katey is doing  ok.  She got out of the adolescent mental health unit last week.  Her ADHD and control issues and stuff are just that….out of control.  But I think the hospital stay helped her to gain some control back.  She’s only 11 and wants so much control, especially here at home.  I feel like such a failure.  All I want to do is cry.  And she knows that I am a wimp.  She knows that I don’t always follow through.  She knows that I am in pain.  She knows that she can sometimes take advantage of me.  I want someone to teach me how to be strong even when I am in intense pain.  I have yet to find that.

I made a list of all the things I need to do tomorrow.  Just like I always do.  I don’t have anything on my calendar tomorrow, so I should get most if not all of it done.

28 days…..that’s all I have left here at this apartment.  I am moving and I have no clue where I am going.  I don’t have a place to go, to live.  I haven’t found a house, apartments, anything.  I stay up at night scouring the net.  It’s always the same.  Nothing I can afford.  I don’t want to live in the scum parts of the city.  I don’t want to live in dangerous, gun infested, gang infested parts of the city either.  I am so alone it sucks ass.

Yes, feeling sorry for myself once again.  Big fat pity party once again.  Just trying to figure it out.  Going to figure it out.

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