This MAMA still rocks!!! ♥

 

 

I tell ya…with all the crap and busy-ness that has been going on, I still passed both my classes with a B!!  ROCK ON!!  My grade point is still high!!  I will still be in honors.  sooo….all I have to say, once again is:  to all those who keep doubting me on what I can and can not do…..%^&$ *(&!!  LOL  This mom has it together!!!

 

Sad but true…sometimes I really like laughing at those who don’t think that I can’t do anything.  People doubted me that I could handle having K back home with me.  Dealing with her challenging behaviors, starting in a new school, new neighborhood.  Well, yes, it’s been a challenge but you know, I AM DOING IT!!  and working full time and going to school full-time as well.  Don’t anyone tell me I can’t do it!!!  Just because in my past, I really sucked.  I failed and failed but I came back up fighting.  I struggled with depression and anxiety….labeled with bi-polar and general anxiety and PTSD.  Well, yeah, I still deal with those issues…but I am coping much much better and therefore am able to live with myself better.  Which makes living with my daughter a lot better too.

*stepping off my soapbox*

It is such a beautiful season up here.  The trees are about done with their  colors tho.  But the air has been crisp and very nice.  Cool evenings.  I like the window open just a tad….cool air…great sleeping weather.

Today was foggy and drizzly out.  Rainy actually.  But it still was a good day.  I got a batch of apple butter done.  K helped me pour the ingredients in the crock pot.  Helped put the apples in the food processor.  She is a good little cook.  We will make some apple crisp tomorrow.  Or maybe apple dumplings.  Either one will be yummy.  So much for my diet.  I can eat it…just not all of it!!  lol

 

I managed to get the scale to move this week.  Lost a pound and a half.  Guess all this walking I have been doing is getting it moving again.  I think that I manage to get in about 2 -2 and half miles a day.  I love it.  I wish the Y here had an earlier water aerobics class that I could hit before heading to work.  But the earliest is 7:30am.  I have to be at school by 8.  Won’t work.

So, I will continue to walk.  I have some free weights here at home.  Also some thera-bands.  I need to get moving with them as well.  I can’t wait until December….I will get my new tv.  (I put it on lay-away).  Then I can hook up the Wii and start working out with that.  I can’t wait.  K has been bugging me about getting it hooked up.  She wants to do bowling.  me too.  LOL

Have a great rest of the weekend.

 

Work, Diet and Kids

These three things don’t mix real well.  Or at least for me they don’t.  Birthday parties….cake and ice cream, work – people bring all sorts of stuff for staff at the school, and kids….well….see birthday parties.  LOL

I have been so trying to get back on my post- op diet routine.  I am over a year out from my surgery and have totally stalled out.  People keep telling me to go back to my doctor or dietitian.  I would but they are in Des Moines, I am in/near Minneapolis and St. Paul now.  Don’t really want to drive 4 hours or so…..I do have a different doc up here but I am just a chicken to ask for more help.  I feel like I have already failed.  I haven’t gained weight back.  I just don’t see the scale moving at all.  It just sucks.

 

I have been so busy lately…..run here an there, get ready for birthday parties, training for work, getting ready for benchmarking at work, getting K ready and going and then bathing and to bed.   Oh add 2 college classes onto that list too.  No, I haven’t caught up in those classes yet either.  Though I did make it to class last night.  found a new sitter for K.  she’s a high school kid of one of my co-workers.

so when does stuff slow down?  i need a nap.  i need to do homework.  but my motivation is zero.  well not so much motivation, i just want to sleep at the moment.  ugh.

i want to get back to losing weight and stuff.  thought about seeing if they could do a revision of my surgery…..idk.  something, anything.

ok…off to pick up my girl.  i hope her mood has improved vastly from this morning.  it was an ugly morning around here.

Job Hunting – again!

Yes, on the job hunt still.  I took a little break because I had so many apps and resume’s out there.  Well, I haven’t kept track of how many rejections I have had.  LOL  But have started my search again.  I can only work part time at the moment because of school and being a single mom.  I need to spend time with K too.

The only huge problem I find in looking for jobs in this area….everyone seems to be looking for a degree (BA) and/or certifications.  Well I AM WORKING toward that at Argosy.  But it will take another couple months til I get that finished.  Along with that….I need to find more financial aid.  So been trying to find scholarships and grants.  I don’t qualify for federal loans anymore.  I also think my Pell Grant status is done too.  Guess I have taken too long to get this degree done.  Life is throwing me curve balls, and I have to find alternate plans now.

Going to the county to see about child care assistance today.  They messed up last week and the week before by “forgetting” to forward my stuff from one county to the other.  So that set me back too.  I have some catching up to do now.  I will be taking K with me to class tonight.  Will have to find a bag of goodies for her for nearly 2 hours of class.  Should be interesting.

I hope that Y will be able to take her tomorrow.  They said she is on the waiting list, but I am so hoping that I can take her in.  I have therapy tomorrow at 1.  My good friend will take her tomorrow night while I have class.  Which I am happy about.  I will owe her now.

Sometimes I feel like “when in the world will I catch a break” here.  I struggle.  Financial stuff is driving me nuts.  I hope to have money in my account until the end of the month.  We’ll see.  Paying bills has been a challenge.  I have to make this work.  Prove myself to those that think I can’t make it.

Been praying a lot.  Hope God is hearing me.  Sometimes I feel so alone.

 

finally Friday

Waiting is hard.  I know that things will fall into place eventually.  K is still healing up from tonsil surgery.  I wish that was a faster process as well.  She feels better when she takes her tylenol and motrin.  But getting her to take is is like pulling teeth.  I am tired.  Being a single mom really sucks sometimes.  So much to do…..so little energy right now.  I am still working on boxes.  Told K that tomorrow I was doing my room and hers.  gonna try to get stuff rearranged and some pictures up.

My second set of classes started yesterday.  I only have class on Mondays and Tuesdays.  The rest is all online.  They are blended classes like last term.  This term I am taking Ethics in Contemporary Society and Personality Theory.  Both seem like lots of reading and note taking.  When they are blended class like this…we have to write papers every week.  Some hard, some not that much.  With the 4th falling in the middle of the week like this year….our classes are kind of squished up for this first week or two.  So playing catch up as I spent one more day in Iowa at mom’s…more than I wanted to.

I am still worried about finances right now.  I know I have enough money to cover rent and utilities and phone and stuff.  But certainly doesn’t leave much for anything else.  I have been looking and putting in apps again all over.  Lots of no thank emails and phone calls.  Discouraging but I need to get on the ball with this too.

I am also working on filling out a couple scholarship applications.  I know there are so many other folks that do this too.  I feel like my chances of getting one are next to none.  UGH.

On a different note.  I have been taking Celebrex for the past week.  My pain levels have decreased tremendously.  I am able to get up and do stuff without that constant pain.  I ache from fibro and lupus stuff, but my joints don’t hurt nearly as bad.  Turning 40 made my body fall apart.  LOL

Time to turn in I think.

until next time….


Struggling to make ends meet

 

I am struggling right now with finances since moving. The job front is still pretty much all turn downs (4 more this past week alone). I found out last week that I am not eligible for any more stafford loans for school. Although I am enrolled and doing classes, I am trying and searching ways to pay for this last stretch.  The Federal Government has changed it’s rules regarding Pell Grants as well.  I do not qualify for them anymore as well.  I tried this new loan they have out called a SELF loan, but everyone who signs up for it needs a co-signer.  CO-SIGNER??  I am freakin 42 years old and I need a co-signer.

Digging deep within myself, I asked my mom about co-signing.  She freaked out.  She is nearing retirement age and all these what if’s.  Dad’s not here with us anymore.  it’s been 12 years since he passed away.  My mom still needs him to make these financial decisions.  That is what she tells me.  I get it.  I understand her hesitancy.  I don’t want her to co-sign.  I don’t want anyone to for that matter.  I have been scouring the net for scholarships and grants etc.  I have signed up, written for a few of them that are coming due with deadlines.  I keep thinking how many other thousands of people are signing up or trying for these as well as me?  What are the chances of me getting one?  slim to none…..

K is finally back home with me, I am trying to get things in place for medical care for her and assistance etc. I am doing what I can with what I have here. I just need some bold amazing prayers…..Something needs to happen….I gotta make this work. Pray for a good job to come about. and finances for college to get this done for onto a better paying job.

On a side note…K’s tonsils are out!!  She is quite the trooper for sailing through surgery so well.  I will be heading back down after class….about 7pm….then K and I will head back up this direction tomorrow morning.  Lots of driving.  Lots of gas.  Luckily the price of gas went down a bit here in MN this week.  Still costed me nearly $40 to fill my tank full last night.  geesh.

I had therapy today with Adam.  I was a bit emotional.  Lots going on in my head.  I need to get back to regular blogging and writing out what life is and how I am doing with it.  I have a to-do list a mile long.  Just need more time to figure out how to get it all done.

Keep K and me in your prayers.  We love you guys.

 

fear and anxiety

I have this anxiety/fear that is overwhelming at the moment.  I know knee surgery is after lunch today.  I get that I am a tad nervous about that.  But I think the bulk of my fear is in dealing with the U.  I will meet with my advisor on Thursday.  I think she wants  me to drop the class or take an F and retake it again in the spring.  But then what will that do to my financial aid and all that?  I think that maybe I will have to either drop out completely or talk to the dean of students to get reinstated.  I don’t know.  I can’t afford to pay full out for this last semester of class.

I keep praying.  But I don’t think my faith is strong enough.  I don’t know.  Maybe it is time to move on and just try to find work and live.  I don’t know.  I don’t know exactly where I would go.  Though been looking at Stewartville/Rochester MN area.  There has got to be work up there.  I just want to do something other than school stuff.  I don’t know.

So, knee surgery is this afternoon.  I hope that I won’t be laid up for very long.  I don’t have time to be down and out.  I need help Lord.  Anyone reading this, please pray for some clarification, peace, help, etc.  I need something.

 

ducks in a row….

 

this week I have be trying to figure out just about anything and everything that has been coming my way.  school, K, family stuff, friends stuff, eating stuffs, pain management…..you name it, i have been trying to figure it out.  and now i am exhausted.  have i really gotten anything done, no.

i had a mini meltdown this week myself.  i have a couple great friends who walked with me through it tho.  prayed me through it.  there is so much that i need to just hand over to God and let Him take care of it.  why is that so hard?

school stuff is giving me anxiety attacks left and right.  i am registered for classes.  i have decided to just get a general degree in LYHS.  Not really a concentration area because, my life is too busy.  I am a non trad student with a family and life.  I don’t have all the time in the world to give up to volunteering and building my portfolio at this time.  i need to work cuz paying for college isn’t easy.  i need to spend time with K cuz she is my daughter and needs me.  I am doing the best I can with what I have.  I need for my advisor to see that too.  My health hasn’t been the greatest these past months.  But I know i am getting better.  I feel the weight coming off.  I see it.  I feel different.

tomorrow i see the orthopedic doc regarding my knee.  i hope that it will be an easy fix.  i am sick of pain meds and pain in general.  i think that is part of the problem.  pain.  i don’t deal with it very well.

Tomorrow I leave to go to Oklahoma.  I will be meeting a bunch of folks whom I have been volunteering online with for the past couple years.  LifeChurch.tv.  amazing folks.  I can’t wait.  I am a tad nervous but yet so excited, that it doesn’t matter how nervous I am.  LOL

Lastly tonight, I want to say I am thankful for some truly amazing friends.  They have helped me get through this week thus far.  Without you, I am sure I would still be a mess….or more of a mess than I already am.  I love you guys.

Weigh in tomorrow morning since Friday I will be on the road.  I can’t wait to see what my weight loss is this week.  woohooo.