small things, Big Difference – One Word 2015

I do not like resolutions and or huge goals….why? Because I feel like I will fail before I even start. So, while listening to Pastor Craig Groeschel speak in this video “small things, Big Difference”, I have learned that I need to figure out “what do I want most over what I want now?” (good question, eh?) 1 Cor 9:24-27 (go read it), we are running to WIN!!! *the Eternal Prize*.  We need to run with purpose. So….What do YOU want most??? YOU! Yes YOU!!

  1. One Word: Small beginnings
  2. My One Discipline: thoughts, think on these things. A sentence, Bible verse(s), something to help you remember your ONE WORD
  3. Build others up: Use Godly words. The power of God’s disciple, being faithful in the small things. Seeing the small things that maybe no one else sees. Power verses to remind you of God’s work in you.

Seek small things
Seek discipline
Seek God for One Disciple
Use that forward momentum
Have an impact in this world!!!

2015:

My one word for this coming year is JOY.

The reason I chose this word is because in 2014, I hadn’t felt much joy.  I had a very hard time finding much joy.  It wasn’t that I was sad all the time, I just didn’t feel content.  My head was constantly going with all the things I thought I “had” to do.  In the meantime, I had numerous people ask me, “what brings you joy, Julie?” After thinking on this question for quite some time, I couldn’t even come up with a list on one hand. Then I did some praying and meditation, JOY was the first word that popped into my head. I will be working hard incorporating more joy into my life, in all areas: relationships (family, friends, professional contacts, etc), college, and my college work, volunteering, writing, looking for work, and my adventure in locating new housing.  I will attempt to find joy in just about anything and anyone I come into contact with.  I have my small notebook ready to go.

My power verses:    I want to memorize these.

Psalm 98:4 (NIRV) Shout to the Lord with joy, everyone on earth. Burst into joyful songs and make music.
Philippians 4:4 (NIRV) Always be joyful because you belong to the Lord. I will say it again. Be joyful.
Psalm 86:4 (NIRV) Bring joy to me. Lord, I worship you.
John 15:11 (NIRV) I have told you this so that my joy will be in you. I also want your joy to be complete.
Psalm 94:19 (NIRV) I was very worried. But your comfort brought joy to my heart.
2 Timothy 1:4 (NIRV) I remember your tears. I long to see you so that I can be filled with joy.

joy-wordle2

Cloud 1

getting unstuck

For months I have said that I need to make some serious changes.  I am done with surgeries, finally. I have healed up pretty well. I have gotten the doctor’s ok to start doing more exercise. I am also doing a lot of PT also. They are giving some good ideas to be exercise aware for pain and swelling and such. I am so glad to have the OK to get back in the swing of things. My hand is still in a brace for the next month, but I can take it off when I go to water aerobics.  This is my getting unstuck from being pretty sedentary for months.

beneath the pain

I have many other areas that I am going to work on getting unstuck.  I will write more posts about the following when I get my thoughts in order and what I am going to do or am doing to get unstuck in that area.

1. I am working with Aimee at the Emily Program (dealing with my eating disorder).

2.  Figure out my money (or lack of) situation.  Figure out how to make and use a budget….and follow through.

3.  Do more incorporating my faith and also meditation into my life.

4.  Getting my plan started in regards to starting Metro State this fall.  Get the reading/writing assessment completed.

I think I have a decent place to start here.  I have to quiet my mind now that my pain level has decreased from way about 10 (the worst) to a manageable 4-5.  Only taking a muscle relaxer when I need to.  Also got a gel that is supposed to help with my low back pain, lidocaine.    I think it’s more manageable right now.

 

 

 

Pondering Thoughts

When I was little I internalized a lot. I’m sure we all do. It’s human nature to take things people say to heart or to even read between the lines and perceive what they may really think or feel about you.

When I was about 9 or 10 I remember running in gym class. We must have been playing some sort of game or sprinting or something. The gym teacher began to laugh at me. It was an innocent laugh, followed by a “Julie, you just aren’t a natural runner, now are you?”  I heard that again in junior high when I tried out for track and field.  The coach said something very similar.  It continued into high school as well.

I don’t remember being particularly hurt by the comment. I didn’t cry or even care that I wasn’t “a runner.” I just absorbed the statement and assumed it to be true. All through middle and high school I’d shy away from activities that involved running. In high school, I often was late for volleyball practice because I knew the first few minutes was running laps around the gym for warm up.  But I did it when I had to.  But I could play volleyball.

I would love to run now.  That is one of my goals since weight loss surgery.  I still can’t run.  I jog a little.  My left knee is still horrible.  With  no cushioning in the joint, it makes me want to stay away from running.  But……

Anyway, moving forward a few years past school years.  During college, I really loved working with kids.  I thought being a teacher would be amazing.  So my freshman year, strangely enough, we had the chance to be placed into a classroom at the local school to just observe.  The first few days was great.  Then the teacher asked us to help teach.  That is when it all fell apart.  The particular teacher I was with told me after school that she didn’t think I was cut out to be a teacher.  Mostly because I didn’t have the heart to take control of the classroom.  I didn’t have “it”.  Not sure what “it” was…..I felt defeated to say the least.  Going back to my classes at college and having my professor giving me a C in the class was just as discouraging.  Now what?  I am still wondering.

The next trip down memory lane isn’t really a specific moment more like a sprinkling of one particular statement I heard throughout my teens and 20’s. It is one remark that makes my blood boil. Not that this phrase was uttered to me but that this phrase even exists in my collective consciousness.

It’s the dreaded “You’d be so pretty if…” statement. You know the one, right? Tack on any “if” at the end but it mostly involves losing weight or being at a particular size. I heard it in many forms growing up from a whole host of different people. Peers, adults, bosses. The one that sticks in my mind the most happened when I was working at summer camp just after my sophomore year in college.  I fell hard for another counselor.  He was amazingly fun and a great “christian” guy.  But he shot me down with the, “You’d be such a great girl if……”  OMG…are you kidding.   This is a Christian camp!  Broke my heart.  I just worked 2 1/2 months with this guy.  Got very close to him and most of the other counselors just have have this happen.  I wondered if all the other counselors felt the same way…..

I remember wearing swimsuits and raggy shorts and t-shirts (just like everyone else). I recently lost a few pounds (it was the summertime, always a consistent dip in the scale as per my yo-yo dieting cycle) I felt like a million bucks! I did my hair, wearing my staff shirt on that last day, walking confidently as we all were getting ready to leave to head back home or to college.  I, of course, laughed it off.  Now I could give a shit, but that’s much easier to say and mean at 43 then it was at 20.

Let’s do one more memory for humor’s sake. At least I find it humorous. Sophomore year of college was an exciting time for me. Still away from home. I was  smelling the air of independence I longed after for so long. I had no idea what I was doing but I knew I was in the right place.

The year was 1989. Computers were starting to become abundant but college was my first experience using one. We didn’t have the means growing up for our own and my small town school was proud to have the 10-12 word processors for it’s computer processing classes.

Regardless, one of the first classes I took that year was Creative Writing. I was stoked as my teacher was super cool. He embodied everything I thought a college professor should be. He was older, wiser, and very articulate. I really looked up to him. One day, in his office, I brought my little 3.5 inch floppy disk with my latest paper saved on it for a critique (terrified, I should add). I go to put the disk in and it wouldn’t fit. It’s upside down! Now remember, this really is one of my first interactions with a computer. He gives me a little jibe of , “wow, you really are computer illiterate, aren’t you?” I immediately agree and declare myself and techno idiot. Telling him I have no idea how to use a computer. I agree, I must be “technologically challenged” as he put it.

I don’t think my professor’s intention was to define me as a technology idiot but I wonder; If that was told to me when I was just a little younger and more impressionable would I have shied away from technology to the point of me avoiding it completely. And where would I be now if so?

My goal with this post isn’t to sling blame at people in my past for things I did or did not do in my life. It’s more about self discovery, confidence and spreading a message of self-esteem. Have you ever thought about how you define yourselves and possibly how you came to those conclusions. Do we live to others expectations of ourselves no matter if they are negative or positive. How much do other’s innocent words affect our choices and confidence.

I still have been doing some internalizing.  Things my young nearly 10 year old daughter yells at me, those internal tapes have found their way back into my head.  Forward and rewinding over and over.  It’s been really hard to combat all those negative messages.  My goal this week is to combat those negative thoughts.  Either by doing something physical or creative.  I gotta get out there again.

Just something I’ve been pondering lately. Please excuse the extra long wordy post. I felt like writing. 🙂

8 weeks til Thanksgiving Mission


Procrastination. This one word could describe most of my existence. I’m convinced I would get nothing accomplished if it weren’t for the very last-minute.

The truth is, I can’t stand this about myself.  I often do what I need to, at JUST the right moment, not leaving any extra in timing.  This just shows complete lack of responsibility in me as an adult. That is what I am…or at least pretend to be. A GROWN-UP.   I have my doubts on a daily basis, though I see the amount of candles on the cake increasing every year. It’s pretty hard to change a habit that has taken 39 years + 3 years’ experience to perfect. In high school and college, I was always that person that was up the night before a final or big project, cramming every last bit of info in that I could before the sun came up. I am still in college and still procrastinating. I am taking two 5-week courses in this term, 2 classes in the next 5-week term and one class in the last 5-week term this semester.  Maybe I thrive on the thrill and excitement of sliding in at the last-minute. Maybe it’s the rush I enjoy. No matter how you look at it, all it reveals about me is that I am an idiot. A hopeless procrastinator that desperately needs to grow-up and start living among the “responsible adults” who actually think past lunch into the near future and come up with a tentative plan. For dinner even. We should start with baby steps.

The entertaining thing about my procrastination is that I have no excuse. I’ve given myself plenty of time to work on time-management skills. In one of my classes this term, we even spent a great amount of time talking about time management.  Even though I wait until the eleventh hour, I am also an eternal list-maker. I make lists for everything…from daily household chores, to errands that need taken care of, to phone calls that I need to return. What do I do with these lists, you ask? Well, that’s simple. I change my mind about what is priority. Dinner plans change. I get started house-cleaning and end up messing up rooms and starting projects that weren’t even on the chore list. The “errand list” gets thrown to the wayside. DISTRACTIONS…and maybe a tad of ADD, but the jury’s still out on that one. Either way, when I end up waiting until the last minute to pay the fines at the library (yes, forgetting to take back my kids’ books), changing my driver’s license from Iowa to Minnesota, complete homework assignments that are due tomorrow, or forget to shave my legs on the last hot day of fall.  The consequences can be quite costly (and somewhat embarrassing). Seriously!  Grow up, lady!

I intend to do just that today—GROW UP.   This year I have officially graduated to a different box on the questionnaire form, the middle-age bracket. Though I am a bit closer to being able to claim “Alzheimer’s” for my forgetfulness, or CRS, my ongoing talent for procrastination is something that should finally be dealt with.

After all, I’m turning over a new leaf today, mainly because “someday” is not a day of the week. It’s time to turn my mountains of To-Dos into bucket lists that are completely attainable. And I don’t want to wait until I’m almost dead to get them accomplished. I want to be able to scratch things off my list daily. I want to learn to be a better manager of the time on this earth. I’m realizing just how quickly that time is slipping right through my fingers. I’m ready to acknowledge that there are a million ways to waste a day, but not even a single way to get one back. When it comes to my future, my daughter, my life–I don’t want to barely make the deadlines with one minute to spare. I want to learn to be wholly present and active in every minute of every day. I want to plan. To be intentional. To be responsible. To live “on purpose”…and not just by the skin of my teeth.

With that said, I have given myself a deadline. “Know the true value of time; snatch, seize, and enjoy every moment of it. No idleness, no delay, no procrastination; never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.”  Earl of Chesterfield.

There are some things I’ve put off for some time (this blog, for example) and I want to tackle these things NOW. A short-term “bucket list”, if you will. I’m calling it my 8 Weeks til Thanksgiving Mission.  I decided to post about it here, so that I can’t turn into a big, fat loser and throw the plan out the window this time. I’m hoping for a bit of accountability and encouragement. As ridiculous as it sounds, I’ll definitely need a few verbal or written “jolts” along the way to help me out and keep me going. I’m relying on YOU. (NO pressure, of course. LOL).

Along the way, over the next 8 weeks, I’ll be sure to post about my progress. I also promise to blog about my crazy kid, some incredibly random situations I’ve gotten myself into recently, and of course, my sarcastic two-cents about EVERYTHING I encounter on a daily basis. I hope you will tag along with me through it all. Kick my butt in gear about the 8 Weeks til Thanksgiving Mission, but more importantly, learn how to laugh and enjoy life right along with me. I’ve already waited until the night before it’s due to write this blog post! (go figure!) The procrastination train stops here. Laziness may pay off right now, but pursuing life on purpose will bring about abundant future rewards. I just know it! Let the journey begin!

8 Weeks til Thanksgiving Mission

1. Do 8 random acts of kindness.
2. Try 8 new recipes.
3. Workout at least 8 times a week (including my daily walking).
4. Write 8 blog posts.
5. Do/visit/eat at/try 8 different places, restaurants, or things to do.
6. Memorize 8 new scripture verses.
7. Do 25-10-25 study technique every day.
8.  Learn to be happy with who I am.

therapy…another day…figuring it out

I don’t know whether to cry or be angry…

Or what.

It’s all so confusing to me still… I have yet to get to the point where I’m comfortable in my own skin.

It seems such a daunting goal.

Will I ever reach it? Will the negative self-talk ever go away? The self-loathing? The hiding?

I don’t know…. I don’t know.

I gained some weight in high school.  I had a time in high school where I had lost weight while I was hospitalized for depression.  But it wasn’t good enough.

So, I became bulimic.

I could give you a hundred examples of the social pressure I’ve experienced to look a certain way. You can’t go anywhere without being reminded that you are “imperfect” in some way.

It’s horribly destructive.

That’s…

Me.

…Will it always be?

 

 

Alright. I need to vent. Bear with me here…

I do stupid things. I’m a big dork. Sometimes I say the wrong thing. I make mistakes all of the time. I can be really lazy. I’m nowhere near the person I want to be yet. I am a complete scatterbrain. I don’t like going places by myself. . I get nervous around people. I jumble my words when I’m tired. I have to force myself to eat vegetables. Sometimes I wear my pajamas all day. I leave the cap off my toothpaste and squeeze it from the middle.  I’m clumsy, even walking on solid ground.  I get irritated with slow drivers. I’m addicted to sugar. I suck at small talk. I feel awkward most of the time. When I have to speak in front of people, my legs shake and my hands get sweaty. Singing in front of people makes me physically ill. I don’t like my voice, yet was a part of the Waldorf choir back in the late 80’s, early 90’s.   I’m terribly self-conscious.  I hate doing my hair so I usually put it in a ponytail.  I’m always losing things. It’s hard for me to recognize the good in myself. I’m somewhat of a  perfectionist. Sometimes I don’t eat enough or I eat way too much. Sometimes I fake being sick to get out of socially stressful situations. I can be a flake.  I used to take pain killers every day. Sometimes I take too much of my Ativan, just because I don’t really want to feel.   I hate swimming  because I’m too self-conscious. I have “saddlebags”.  I get bored with myself a lot. I think I’m addicted to caffeine. I throw things when I’m angry. I’m pretty hard on myself. I wish I was more confident. I have a hard time believing people when they compliment me. I make stupid typos. I regret a lot of things.

Now that I’ve subjected you to Julie’s Imperfections 101, I’m going to turn things around a bit and share a list of “Affirmations for Self-Acceptance” that I came across today. Check it out:

1.  I am worthy of love and respect regardless of others’ opinions or behavior.

2. My self worth is totally independent of how I compare to others.

3. My self worth is totally independent of any external factors.

4.  I am worthy of love and respect regardless of the results of my efforts.

5. I am worthy and will be loved even when others are being given more attention.  I am happy for others when they receive love and attention.

6. My self worth is within me and totally independent of whether I am loved exclusively by someone on or not.

7. I am worthy of love and respect even when I am not perfect in what I do and even when I make mistakes.

8. My self worth is totally independent of how much I accomplish.

9. I am worthy of love and respect even when I feel weak or needy.

10. My self worth is totally independent of whether others agree with me or satisfied with me.

11. I deserve love and respect even when I need to say “no” and not respond to what I am asked to do.

12. My self worth has nothing to do with how much I give or receive.

13. My self worth is totally independent as to whether some people trust me or open up to me or not.

14. My self worth is totally independent of how people behave towards me.

15. My self worth is totally independent of how much others work or how they  work or what they believe about me.

16.  My self worth is a reflection of my divine nature and not my gender, religion, social class etc.

17. My self worth is totally independent of whether others recognize it or how they feel towards me.

18. I accept and love myself as I am with my faults and weaknesses.

19. I am intelligent and capable enough to succeed in any endeavor which is important to me.

20.  I deserve to be loved and respected exactly as I am.

21. I have the inner power  and strength to deal with whatever life brings me.

22.  I am capable of handling any possible  difficulties which might occur.

23. I am beautiful exactly as I am – just as all aspects of nature.

24. I am a good person, a worthy person.

25. I am worthy of love and respect regardless of how others behave towards me.

26. I respect and love all persons without feeling any need whatsoever to live my life according to their beliefs or values. I live my life in harmony with my inner values and beliefs.

27.  I am in no way responsible for others people’s reality but only for my own motives and behavior towards them.

28. No else is responsible for my reality. I am totally responsible for what I feel and experience in life.

29. My self worth is based on my inner being, my existence itself, my inner divine nature and on no other external factors.

30. My self worth is a simple function of the fact that I am a unique aspect of divine creation. My self worth cannot be increased nor decreased. I can never be more or less worthy of love and respect than another.

31. Although I am not perfect and have various faults, I deserve to be loved and respected as I am, just I as I love and respect others with their faults.

32. When I do not love my self, I am not loving an aspect of divine creation.

33. I often accept in others traits which I reject in my self. Why?

34. I am in a process of personal evolution and am attending to that process.

35. All beings deserve my love and respect, including my self.

(These are adapted from the following link:http://www.holisticharmony.com/lcp/list/affirmations.html)

So there you go.

I’m me. And I’m myself. Any questions?

“Happiness is Not for Wimps” (repost)

I saw this post today on my facebook page.  I thought I really needed to share it here.  It’s by Ken Wert.  http://www.thechangeblog.com/happiness-is-not-for-wimps/

 

By 

“When I am happy, I see the happiness in others. When I am depressed, I notice that people’s eyes look sad. When I am weary, I see the world as boring and unattractive.” ~ Steve Chandler

Happiness is not a quality easily had by those who fear challenge and difficulty. Happiness, as a matter of fact, can require quite a bit from us if we would develop those traits that produce it at its highest potential.

In other words, happiness is not for the squeamish. It requires us to get our hands dirty in the ditches and mountain sides of life. It requires us to climb and learn and overcome and develop in ways that are not always easy. Here are four reasons happiness is not for wimps:

1. Happiness requires Humility

What it means: Humble people are teachable. They can bend and adapt as they come to see better ways of doing things. They haven’t been made brittle by the calcification of pride.

Why it’s hard: Pride is a stubborn characteristic. It solidifies us around positions and beliefs and ways of doing things. It prevents growth because it claims already to be fully formed, all-knowing and always right. Acquiring humility requires softening pride enough to crack its hard exterior. Such cracks can be humbling events, and often very painful.

How it helps: Humility is to happiness what a gym membership is to health. The gym membership will do nothing for your health if you stay home. But it’s a key to a door that opens you to the equipment and classes that can add greatly to your health and wellness if used regularly.

Humility is that same key to that same door to the personal developmental gym of life. It opens us to self-analysis, allowing us to see and admit to shortcomings and flaws that muck up the gears to happy living. It also opens us to learning from life and from the trials we experience and from other people too – all essential elements to a deep abiding sort of happiness.

2. Happiness requires moving in and out of Comfort Zones

What it means: The old truism holds true for happiness as for everything else: If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always got. To increase happiness, changes have to occur, habits have to be formed, unformed and reformed.

Why it’s hard: We can get so used to doing things the way we’ve always done them that the force necessary to course correct can be very difficult to sustain. February is littered with the corpses of broken promises made in January. Sustained change is simply difficult for most people to keep up. Certainly there are ways of making improvements easier, but even acquiring and implementing those techniques and attitudes require effort and will and self-discipline. Steps have to be taken to learn and implement them, after all.

How it helps: Comfort zones are formed around activities repeated over time. They are the result of routine and sameness. The problem is that you can’t grow anything by continuing to do what you’ve always done. Stagnation cannot produce joy. Happiness, on the other hand, is partially the result of personal growth and development, of evolving from where you are to where you can be. There is joy in the process of closing the gap between you and your potential.

3. Happiness requires overcoming Selfishness

What it means: It is front and center at almost every divorce and is locked behind bars with every inmate. It is heart and soul of every act of fraud and theft and tyranny and oppression. It regards the self over others. It wants and grabs and takes. It seeks its own over what’s right. It sacrifices decency and compassion and love at the altar of self-indulgence.

Why it’s hard: Selfishness is the universal character flaw. It permeates the lives of almost all people to varying degrees. It lives in human nature and boils over in a culture that celebrates self-aggrandizement. Children are masters of it and is the natural order of things unless and until we are taught to be otherwise. Selfishness does not need to be taught. But compassion does.

How it helps: One of the great ironies to personal development is that the more we focus on ourselves, the further happiness drifts from us. But by losing ourselves in service to others, the more we find our true inner selves. By hoarding, we lose. By giving, we gain so much more than we give.

4. Happiness requires retraining Thoughts

What it means: Our thoughts create our reality. If we dwell on the ugly and the corrupt, on the negative and salacious, we sink in the thick liquid of anger and disillusionment and frustration, cynicism and despair.

Why it’s hard: Bad habits are hard to break. Good ones are hard to acquire. They require consistency which is hard to sustain. Habitual thoughts are harder still because they are such subtle things, sneaking in when we are not looking. Retraining our thoughts takes constant vigilance and commitment. It requires monitoring our feelings as the barometer of our thoughts and our words as the indicator of what and how we think.

How it helps: As we think, so are we. If I think life is unfair and cold and vindictive, I will feel that reality. But if I think life is an adventurous joy, that the challenges of life are meant for my good, that it is my task to figure out how life is trying to guide and direct my path, then the attitudinal reality will be completely different. And so will the level of happiness available to me.

So Now What?

In order to have a life of growth and happiness, you must be vigilant in recognizing and overcoming the obstacles life and human nature place in the way. As you learn to recognize the trouble spots, take steps to build your ability to transcend them. Develop the characteristics that break down those obstacles.

But how?

Set goals. Make them small and incremental. Take small but regular steps toward the needed improvement. Don’t get overwhelmed by the amount of work you may have. Set the smaller goals and focus there. One or two at a time is usually plenty. The big picture will come as you lay the smaller bricks.

Will Smith’s dad once took Will and his brother to his store to rebuild a brick wall he had torn down. Will was 12 and his brother was nine at the time. They complained it was an impossible task for two so young. It took a year and a half to finish, as a matter of fact. But when they were done, their dad looked at them and said, “Now don’t you ever tell me that there’s something that you can’t do.”

They learned the lesson of one-brick-at-a-time. We can build amazing lives of deep and lasting happiness much the same way.

And in the meantime?

Enjoy the journey! Happiness doesn’t need to wait at life’s finish line of life. You can take it with you as you build happiness upon happiness, one character trait, one practice, one habit and one principle one brick at a time.

Your Turn

What other obstacles have I missed to living a life of happiness?

 

It’s New Year’s Eve!!

It’s New Year’s Eve…..what’cha gonna do tonight?  K and Robin and I are just gonna hang at home.  I am making a new casserole thing for supper.  It’s called quesadilla casserole.  It looks pretty easy and doesn’t take a real long time to bake either.

K has been playing the Wii pretty much non-stop since getting here yesterday.  She is hooked. LOL  but it keeps her busy and keeps her from saying she is bored.  She is gonna lay down in just a little bit cuz she thinks she can stay up until the ball drops tonight.  little does she know it will be at 11pm here when we watch on tv.  LOL  Still will be fun.

I made it to the grocery store and back today.  My first adventure in Woodbury.  I am so not used to the Cities and driving her yet.  But I will be.  It’s gonna take a bit of time.  Good thing Robin gives good directions.  I just gotta write it all down to where I want and need to be.  First things first, right?

Tuesday she and I will be going to the Washington County DHS or whatever it’s called up here.  gotta get a few things switched over regarding medical and stuff.  I need to get my knee looked at soon.  I am not sure when that will be.  I have to find a doc too.  Then I have to find a hematology doc to get my blood checked as well.  Need my B12 shot the second week of January.  Oh the joys of moving to a completely different place and getting all new docs and things arranged.  OH well, could be worse I spose.  LOL

I don’t mind being in a new place.  It’s like a new adventure.  I am in such a different place emotionally and physically that this time the move isn’t all about mental health.  It’s not running away from anything or stuff like that.  It’s just because I am done at UNI and it’s time to start again.  I don’t feel mentally unhealthy.  or rather unstable as I had so many times before.  It’s nice to not be depressed and all freaked out.  I think it’s all gonna work out well here.  Yes, take some getting used to, but I think I will love it!!

I am not usually into resolutions for the new year.  But since having surgery, I do need to work on my eating.  I need to make some healthier choices.  I need to get out and walk more.  And now I have a walking buddy.  Exciting!!  I want to get a bike later on…maybe early spring.  I see Robin has a bike in her garage…so biking might be fun too.  I think lots of exciting changes will be happening.  I hope to lose more weight in 2012.  71.1 pounds gone so far…..exciting!!