Life and Everyday

“Words will never hurt me”

sticksandstones

(written in 2010)

When I was young

I heard “words will never hurt me”

I believed you when you said it.

As I grew older

I grew sick of taunting words

“What’s wrong with you”

” You are so fat and ugly”

Maybe those closest to me

Thought it would help me get thick skin

But it didn’t.

It dug a hole.

So very deep, and NOTHING can fill it

These words they said

Those names they called

I hear them daily in my head.

I hate each mirror that I pass

Only looking long enough to fix my hair, or try to smile.

Tears in my eyes

Ashamed of who I have become.

I’ve listened and taken in all those words….

They are what I have become…..maybe….

Not yet.  I can’t see anything but

Ugly in me.

verbalabuse-poster

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Life and Everyday

I care too much

i care too muchSometimes I care too much

I say things I think you should know

Things that are important to me

Then I remember

You aren’t in that spot to hear them.

Your anger fires at me like an arrow shot in the night

Hitting my heart and shattering to bits

I only wanted you to know what I see.

It’s not like I wanted to hurt you on purpose

I should have known that is how you would take it.

I should have known, I should have remembered.

My memory failed me once again.

I cared too much and I got hurt.

I don’t want to care any more

Life and Everyday

Because of You

I wrote this in honor of my good friend Tracy.  He has made a huge impact on my life.  I first met Tracy when I was 17.  I was a junior counselor at Riverside Lutheran Bible Camp in Story City, IA.  It was the summer after my junior year in high school.  I was struggling with life as most teens do.  My life was crazy as some may know ( if you have heard my story).  But this is a bit of the good stuff.  Camp is/has been my “light in the darkness” or in the darkest times that I can remember.  It was one of my sanctuaries while growing up….even in young adulthood.

©http://blog.gaiam.com/hope-vs-faith/hope-vs-faith/
©http://blog.gaiam.com/hope-vs-faith/hope-vs-faith/

Because of You

Because of you…I am alive today

Because of you…I know what God’s love is like

Because of you…I know what true friendship is means

Because of you…I know that God will never give up on me

Because of you…I know persistence and dedication

Because of you…I know there is hope

Because of you…I know what know how laughing, happiness, joy, faith, peace and love feels inside me

Because of you…I know what God’s unconditional love is, because you have shown me yours.

©www.campnavigator.com
©www.campnavigator.com

Because of you, I know tomorrow might not be perfect, but God’s love never fails.  When I first met you in 1987, I was a mess of a teenage girl.  Bible camp was my escape from a chaos that consumed my thoughts and dreams.  Pastor Art, accepted me as a junior counselor that summer, little did I know that I would meet some of the most wonderful friends I would ever encounter.  You just happen to be one of the friends who made me think about what God has done in my life and what He CAN DO IN my life.  When I felt hopeless, you kept giving me reasons why I should be hopeful.  When I wanted to give up, you helped me find reasons to keep moving forward.

I marked the Bible verse you shared with me that made the biggest difference in my life:  Psalm 139:13-14 “For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mothers’ womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I know that full well.”

All this…because of you…and God!

Life and Everyday

Family in Crisis

Family

A twinge of pain in my gut

Back in the familiar surroundings once again

Same people but a different circumstance

Fighting, angry voices, cursing, pointing fingers, blame

This time, not me

I listen

I watch

I observe

Again the pain is so very real

Reliving in my heart, my brain

Cutting like a knife, the words slice my every vein

But it’s not me

It’s them

When does family drama end?

When do they stop fighting?

Miles don’t take the pain away

It still stirs in my mind and my soul

I can’t make it leave

I can’t get far enough away

Life and Everyday

Beyond Imagination

I had one more “Great Story” to write for Minnesota Reading Corps before the end of the school year.  So I decided I am going to share it here on my blog.

Beyond Imagination

We recently held a huge literacy and art event called Beyond Imagination.  It showcased poetry and artwork created by students.  For my last great story, I wanted to write a poem that will also include some of the words of wisdom from some of the students I worked with this year.

We are a new school district to Minnesota Reading Corps

Not sure what to expect, but trained very well.

Through trial and error, we got it figured out

With many questions to Nick and Sarah, we had no doubt.

So as the new year began,

We benchmarked many students.

We made our list

Our schedules were started.

Interventions, progress monitoring

Much progress and praise

High hopes and high fives and stickers, kids craved.

The smiles started coming

Words began to click.

Letter names, letter sounds started to stick

“The best part is I can spell out words”

“I like letters, I love to learn”

Onto nonsense words and blending words,

Duet reading and Great Leaps

Huge strides were made by many when we all believe

Continue to encourage…..

To say, “You did great!”

They loved my new words: fantabulous and awesomesauce

Because praise words never get lost!

“Reading is fun”

“I learn harder words and that makes me happy”

“I love to read.  I feel way smart”

“When I read a book, I can imagine the characters in the book”

As you can see reading tutors can give students that hook

We give them our best

Long day and much of your enthusiasm

But it’s all worth it

To see their excitement and imagination

As this school year comes to a close

I love these kids I have come to know well

I wish them the best on their journey of reading

Of growing and learning and much succeeding.

(if you are interesting in becoming a part of Minnesota Reading Corps, they are hiring for the next school year.  Here is the link:  http://minnesotareadingcorps.org/    you will also be able to find  AmeriCorps at this link:  http://www.nationalservice.gov/programs/americorps

Life and Everyday

What a week!!

It’s been a long week.  I have finally gotten some time to get here and write a bit about it.  Beyond Imagination is done.  That was quite the ordeal.  Kennedy Elementary put on a wonderful art and poetry night.  Lots and lots and lots of parents and students came.  I worked the photo booth.  I have some awesome pics.  I will share.  I love my sitter, P.  She was so kind to take K around to the various rooms to do all the fun stuff.  K even read in the poetry jam.  I will share her poem at the end too.  She wrote it.  Kinda silly but all her.

School gets out June 7.  about 4 weeks away still.  I have to get in all my hours and then some.  I have made arrangements to get more hours in ASAP after school lets out.  I will get them all in before July 13, I am that determined.  I will throw myself into getting it all in.

Going to make crockpot ranch chicken today for lunch….I hope maybe Katey will eat it.  who knows.  she hasn’t been eating much.  Her ped doc is concerned because her check up…she had lost some weight.  not a considerable amount.  but the ADD medicine has that side effect.  so I also asked the school nurse to weigh her once a week for me.  she will help me keep track.

ok and now for pics from poetry jam and pics of the school for the big event:

Beyond Imagination007some teachers

014K’s friend Dakota

042poetry jam

047A kindergartner I worked with…awesome!

061K and Paige…hammin it up!

089My teacher friend, Carla and her hubby and new baby.

124

129

142

147152

150

185

last but not least….

K’s poem

Computer

Technology is inside the computer.

Internet is to…my mom its a tutor!

Facebook, angry birds, paplinko, and movies are all on the internet.

I need a pet.

I love the computer.

there you have it….our week.  getting ready…now it’s done.  we can finally relax…sorta.  now to get ready for all the field trips and etc for the end of the school year.  I have to keep up my tutoring schedule…it’s all good.

Happy week ahead to all of you!

♥Julie

Life and Everyday

Sometimes sadness

SOMETIMES…

sometimes I get sad

sometimes I’m down

sometimes I’m just scared

noone is around

sometimes noise is piercing

deep down inside

sometimes with tears

I cannot seem to hide

 that’s when I need know

that’s when I trust

that’s when I lean on

the One that I must

that’s when He holds me

gentle and still

that’s when I feel Him

I know He is real

 sometimes I’m  lonely

even at home

sometimes the anger

won’t leave me alone

sometimes the pain

is all I can bear

sometimes I wonder

does anyone really care

 that’s when I cry out

desperate and free

that’s when I listen

how much does He loves me

that’s when He comforts

in His tender ways

that’s when He keeps up

loving all ways

sometimes there’s more 

anguish and grief

sometimes I fall down

I’m so broken, so weak

sometimes the whispers

inside are unkind

sometimes my mind

can’t seem to unwind

that’s when I need trust Him

that’s when I need rest

that’s when I need know

God always knows best

that’s when I hold on

to the promise so true

He cannot leave me

He’ll always come through

 

This is my hope….that God will be there….sometimes I am not sure He is…but I realize I need to trust and believe in something and someone…….