Life and Everyday

When will it stop hurting?

When will it stop? I’m not sure.  I don’t think that pain will ever go away.

This morning started out like most Mondays, up at 5:30 am now, since K gets picked up earlier to go to her new school.  Got her ready and out the door.  I sat down on the couch and YOWZA!!  Pain surged through my body.  From my low back to my neck.  Every bone, muscle, fiber of my being hurt like it had hot stickers poking me.  I settled into the couch for just a bit, took my morning fistfull of medicine and just tried to relax.  I needed to be at the middle school to gather K’s things from her locker and turn in books from the library and her teacher’s room.

As I finally get my arse out the door, those damn steps….oh those steps down to the door.  My low back yelled at me like mad.  Made it to and out the door.  Then I see the garage door….oh good Lord, why today?  Why does everything have to hurt today??!!!  OK so… the car, crank the heat.  It’s cold out…oh so cold out.  Stupid Minnesota first days of winter.

Made it to the middle school.  Talked with those I needed to, almost lost it….tears and more tears.  But I made it.  Back in the cold and out to my car.  Dang, so not ready for cold.  Give me another few weeks to get used to this.  I’ll be better.

Then I made the decision I was going to go grab a few groceries at Weird World…I mean Wal Mart.  Am a freakin crazy??  I guess so.  I had to fly through the store because a social worker was coming to my place at 11am.  Walked so fast that I thought my feet were going to fly out from under me.  When all done and out to my car…..tears….tears…and more tears.  OMG!!  PAIN!!  How was I going to get these groceries up those stairs?  How?  How?  I cried and cried.  All the way back to the apartment, I had tears.  I thought about leaving them in the trunk but I couldn’t.  So, I took as many bags as I could handle at least semi-less-painfully.  Then the stairs……I thought I was going to die!!!  I got them up the stairs and opened my door and then literally dropped them on the floor.  Then back down again…..same feeling as previous….same pain as previous only more thumping in my body this time.  Push through like I always do…..up the stairs….open door…drop groceries on the floor.

Tears….I can’t just sit.  I have get them put away.  This lady will be here in a half hour.  Damn.  Tears.  One by one I get everything put away.  Sat down once again.  I don’t want to do it…but I did.  I took a pain pill.  I hate doing that!!!  Eventually the pain lessens.  The doorbell rings and she is here.  Long long chat and oodles of papers to sign.

So after all that “stuff”, I laid down and slept.  I thought I had set my alarm…..around 3pm, K comes walking in.  She is home from school.  OMG…..I missed my appointments at the ED clinic.  Oh they are going to be pissed at me.  *shakes head*

I don’t know why I get so angry when I lay down and rest some.  For years, I have pushed though all this pain and just do what I had to do.  It didn’t matter how crappy I felt, I just had to keep doing and going and being.

K is finally in bed.  I am still so tired.  I haven’t talked to Robert today except a few texts.  But guess what I am doing?  oh yes….a few loads of laundry.  And you know what else?  yup…still in pain.  Bones ache.  I know it’s just the coldness of winter coming on.  I will get used to the cold.  I always do.  The first month or so is hell for me though.

What was I saying?  oh yeah, still have pain.  I suppose I will take another pain pill.  Just so I can get through until I take my night time meds.  I have one dim light on and the tv.  Watching Dancing With the Stars.  Watching these stars dance, so nimble and effortless and beautiful.  I was and will never be a dancer.  I can’t move like that.  K is a dancer.  I love to watch.  Again some sadness, realizing there are so many things I can not do.  Still, they float on air…..

Sometimes I feel like I just float back up to the decent-ness of life.  Am I thankful?  Yes.  I think so.  This year I am not doing the usually 30 days of thankful mainly because it’s been such a hard hard year for me.  (which is probably why I should be doing it)  I am thankful, but it’s so hard to be thankful with so much other stuff happening that is not good.  I have tried to be more thankful.  I have all these shoulds in my head.  So I guess I will stop here.  Tomorrow is a new day.

Life and Everyday

Day 27 Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving!  I will be leaving in the morning so I will say my happys tonight.  I am so thankful for my online family and friends this thanksgiving too.  My family of origin knows how thankful I am for them, I constantly tell them that.  But I am not sure how much my online family and friends know.  I am very thankful for all of you who read my blog and who hang out with me on facebook and such.  Y’all make coming online more fun and more exciting.  Knowing that someone out there cares about me and my Kbug and what’s going on in my life is amazing.  I am truly interested in your lives as well.  I love hearing stories and tales of happenings in your lives as well.  I love hearing about your families, trips, boyfriends, girlfriends, mishaps, love stories, fights, anything that is going on.  That makes life so much more fun and interesting.  I am so thankful that God put you into my life.  May our paths cross more throughout the course of this lifetime. ♥♥♥

Life and Everyday

25th day of Thanks

Thankful.  Thankful. Thankful.

So many things to be thankful for today.  I had some clarity today and for that I am thankful.  I can’t really elaborate on that other than I can say I thank God for “a-ha” moments and for getting my bearings straight.  I also am thankful for K’s understanding nature and she didn’t freak out on me when plans got changed at the last moment.  She just kinda went with the flow.  I know that is hard for her sometimes but she just rolled with it and for that I am very thankful.

God has blessed me big time with so many things.  My daughter has a huge heart.  Kind and soft.  I have heard that from so many people, especially her teachers at school.  I see is so very often.  God is so good.  And for that, I am thankful.



Life and Everyday

Day 24 Thanks for special people

Today I am extremely thankful some special people from

the church that I go to.  They gave my daughter and I a basket with some food in it.  It was a very pleasant surprise.  Not that I needed any food but because I am new to this church it was a way of welcoming us to their church at this time of celebration of the holidays.  Very sweet of them.

There are so many special people in my life.  Not just at church but so many outside of this church.  Many associated with another church that I have attended or worked with too.  They are so supportive even though I am not volunteering there anymore.  I love them all so very much.  Couldn’t ask for better friends.  God has blessed me very much.

Life and Everyday

Day 22 Thanks

Today I am thankful for lazy days.  I was able to get some things done that I haven’t been able to get done in a little while since K has been sick.  I also was able to get some cooking done for tomorrow’s Christmas party for the Olson’s get together.  Not a lot of goodies but a few things that I will be taking.  Got the soup going.  I need to remember to pick up bowls tomorrow.  Remember to write a HUGE STICKY NOTE for me to remember to pick them up before I leave town tomorrow.  It’s gonna be “180 below” zero tomorrow, yes, I am exaggerating.  It’s gonna be the coldest day yet this season.  And it happens to be on the day we are driving to Iowa.  Go figure.  Just our luck.  I have my cake in the fridge.  I am debating whether to poke the holes in it tonight and put the sweetened condensed milk on it or wait til morning.  I think I will wait til morning. I don’t want it to get all soggy and gross.  So yeah.  Might poke the holes tonight tho.  Just for the fun of it.  LOL  The cheeseball is done and in the fridge.  The crackers are in the bag along with the noodles for the soup that need to be put in when I get to Carpenter tomorrow.  I hope the soup doesn’t spill on the way there.  I have this funky new stretchy cord thing for my crock pot lid that is supposed to hold the lid on tight.  i hope it works.  we’ll see.  i will bring some towels along with and lay them on the floor of the car just in case.  never trust soup.  LOL

I wrapped a few gifts today as well.  not too many, just a few.  The tree is up from being bored while K was sick this past week.  My cards are mostly done, addressed and ready.  But no stamps cuz I have no money to buy the stamps as of yet.  Still waiting for my travel check to get here.  It’ll probably come tomorrow when I am not here.  Go figure.  I think I have most everything ready for our trip south to Iowa tomorrow.  Bingo gifts ready and bagged.  Dry food stuff bagged.  I just need to jump in the shower in the morning, eat breakfast.  Get the soup ready to go in the car.  Warm up the car.  Get the cake done and chilled.  Cheese ball in the bag.  K up and going.  Her DS ready to go.  The kindle is off limits for the weekend.

Time for this tired momma to hit the hay.  Thankful for lazy days indeed.

Life and Everyday

19 19 19 19 day 19

Day 19…..Thank for the doctor and nurses at Urgent Care today.  19They took very good are of K-bug this morning and got her fluids in her and zofran and helped her to feel a little more perky.  Tonight she is feeling more herself.  She still won’t be going to school tomorrow but at least she won’t be feeling as “punk” as she has been.  Hopefully the fevers will stay down now.  I thank the good Lord for the doctor and nurses that kept her in check and knew what she needed right now.  I think she is turning the corner tonight. *big smiles*